On the Edge of Despair
by WeasleyGirl-ca
Summary: When the Order questions Severus Snape’s loyalty, they unwittingly unleash a cascade of events, memories and secrets that could destroy him and those around him, for he is a man living on the edge of despair. Has a great deal of angst.
1. A Question of Loyalty

Disclaimer: Same as the site's disclaimer

**If you cannot reach later chapters via drop box, change the last number on the URL to the chapter # you would like to read. **

This is a dark story and the rating _may_ increase in later chapters due to an increase in violence and very angsty situations. Please kindly leave a review after reading this chapter; it would be greatly appreciated. 

**Chapter 1: A Question of Loyalty**

Holding his head high, the man walked through the crowd of masked figures. If not for the limp and the blood soaking his robes, it would have appeared as if his encounter with the Dark Lord resulted in nothing more than a mere paper cut, his trademark sneer plastered perfectly across his face.

"Severus."

The man stopped immediately and turned to meet his tormentor.

"I would be more careful, my child," spoke the Dark Lord, his voice dripping with mock concern. "Too much pride has its consequences."

Snape cursed inwardly, his blank expression never wavering for a moment and brought himself to his knee for the third time that night, and mumbled, "Sorry, my lord."

Voldemort's lips curled into a twisted smile and raised his wand towards him.

Knowing what was coming, Snape bit down on his tongue, preventing a scream from rising to his mouth as the all too familiar pain of the Cruciatus curse ran through his already battered body.

Swallowing his pride, he bowed his head as the curse was lifted. "Thank you, my lord," muttered Snape, ignoring the taste of blood in his mouth as blood trickled out from the teeth like cut on his tongue.

"I expect more from you next time. I will not be so kind in the future." And without another glance, Voldemort turned his attention away from the younger man, allowing him to let himself out of the cold and musty manor that served as the Dark Lord's headquarters.

Fumbling with a ring of keys, Snape finally found the right one and jammed it into the keyhole. With a faint click, the door announced that it was open and Snape stepped into the uncharacteristically pleasant house, a string of profanities escaping his lips as hot blood sprang from his nose—the pressure created by the Cruciatus curse was taking its toll.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, the Potions Master scowled at his reflection. Not that he ever cared about his appearance; it was just that his shattered body was a foul reminder of his meeting with Voldemort, just a few minutes ago.

Gingerly removing his bloody robes and shirt, he started disgustingly at the fresh gashes glaring angrily across his washboard stomach. His hands unconsciously reached for the cupboard doors above the sink and he started pulling out various potions.

As he worked, his eyes unwilling caught the reflection of a skull and snake staring back at him from his forearm. The sunken man drew his eyes away from the mark, clenching his teeth together.

Letting out a strangled cry of frustration, he threw the potion bottle in his hand fiercely across the room, watching it crash into a million pieces, droplets of liquid spraying everywhere as it hit the wall. Sinking to the floor, he pulled his hands through his hair and tugged at it, his piercing eyes blazing with anger and guilt, ignoring the tremors rushing through his body, yet another after effect of the Cruciatus curse.

**xxxx**

Any evidence of the broken man had disappeared as Snape walked into number 12, Grimmauld Place a few hours later. His eyes no longer showed any emotion and his expression was once again set in a seemingly permanent scowl. The limp in his step was considerably less noticeable and there was no longer any evidence of blood or wounds. Snape, after all, was accustomed to covering himself from top to bottom in black, the only skin visible being that of his face and hands—even in the midst of the scorching summer.

"You're here," said Molly Weasley, apprehensively, coming into the living room, where Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny sat doing homework.

"Clearly," sneered Snape.

Molly ignored his sarcastic tone and turned her attention to the teenagers. "You four should be in bed. Now," she said firmly, pointing her finger towards the stairs, her other hand resting on her hip.

After the shuffle of parchments and books, the four Hogwarts students reluctantly took their departure. Harry threw a loathsome, deadly glare at Snape, his hand forming a fist as he stalked passed him. Snape returned the stare with an equal amount of disgust.

Molly waited until she could no longer see the children than looked at Snape. "Well, everyone is in there, waiting to hear what you have to say," said Molly, hurriedly, waving her hands toward the dining room.

Snape was greeted by a crowd of tensed faces as they looked up at the newcomer with what seemed like misplaced anxiety. He quickly noted the addition of two identical redheaded Weasleys, and though they too watched him with uneasy looks, the mischievous glimmer in their eyes was still there. How these two could be taken seriously was beyond his fathom.

"Ah, Severus, come in, sit down," said Dumbledore, gesturing at the empty seat beside him. His smile seemed awfully forced to Snape, which was so very unlike the Headmaster.

"Well?" growled Moody, impatiently, his magical eye boring through Snape. He ignored the ex-Auror's attempt to unnerve him.

"He wants to get into Hogwarts," started Snape.

"That's not entirely surprising," squeaked Diggle Dedalus.

A few other wizards and witches nodded in agreement.

"I am very well aware of that," shot Snape, through gritted teeth. "He is becoming desperate, it is not blaringly obvious yet but today he questioned me on the wards around Hogwarts and he was less than pleased with my lack of answer.

Dumbledore's eyes flickered for an instant, looking at Snape intently; he searched for any visible evidence of Voldemort's wrath on his professor but found none.

"Lack of answer, bullocks! How are we too know that you haven't given everything away, that as soon as Hogwarts opens their won't be a swarm of your buddies descending upon the school," spat Moody, violently, his fist landing on the table with a bang.

"Alastor," cautioned Dumbledore.

Snape's thin lips curled into a twisted smile. "I would think that you of all people, the absolute definition of paranoia would know everything about how the Order operates."

The disfigured ex-Auror narrowed his mismatched eyes.

"What Severus is trying to say is that he knows nothing of the workings of the protective wards around Hogwarts. We decided that would be best for all parties concerned," interjected Dumbledore, snapping the two men out of their silent war.

"So, you don't trust him," concluded Moody, looking at the tired old man.

"That is not what I said."

"And yet again you are unable to prove any disloyalties on my part." Snape enjoyed watching the crazy ex-Auror's mind work, trying to bring the spy down with something, anything.

"How are we to know where his loyalties lie? As far as I'm concerned, he serves no one but himself. He's a bloody turncoat and nobody sees it!" roared Moody.

"You'll wake the children," said Molly, glaring at Moody.

"I say bring on the Veritaserum! Let's see where he really stands," hollered Moody, his volume not decreasing a notch.

"Fine with me," said Snape, smirking. "That is, if you are willing to mess up these infirmary like clean floors."

"What are you talking about?" asked Tonks.

"Due to an elaborate self-induced taste aversion to the particular potion, I cannot keep it down for more than a second," explained Snape, smugly.

Everyone looked at him, flabbergasted.

"Did you know about this?" asked Kingsley Shacklebolt towards Dumbledore.

Dumbledore nodded.

Snape took that moment to get up from his seat.

"Where are you going," came Moody's low growl.

"I have nothing more to say," said Snape, sweeping passed the silent members, his robes bellowing behind him.

"Damned, crazy Auror," muttered the pale man, under his breath as he left the Black Manor.

**xxxx**

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny sat on Ginny's bed listening intently through slightly modified extendable ears, which Fred and George had recently invented, allowing them to listen in on the Order meeting, even with their mother's interventions.

"I agree with Moody. He shouldn't be trusted," stated Harry, rage brewing inside him. Ever since the death of his godfather, not a single word left his mouth without being coated with anger.

"Dumbledore trusts him." Hermione's words were simple and said in absolute faith.

Harry glared at her, the temper in the pit of his stomach rising to his throat.

"DUMBLEDORE IS NOT PERFECT, HERMIONE! HE'S A STUPID OLD FOOL! HE EATS LEMON DROPS AND KEEPS THE TRUTH FROM THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD HAVE IT!" yelled Harry.

"He does seem to hire all the wrong sort," added Ron, gently.

Hermione held back tears and shook her head absently. "If we can't put our faith in Dumbledore, who can we, Harry? We're doomed if we have no one to trust."

"DOOMED! THAT'S IT, HERMIONE. WE'RE ALL DOOMED!" The prophecy that Harry had learnt about last year had still not fully sunk in and the feeling of doom felt too real for him at the moment. He hadn't even told his friends yet.

"Keep your voice down," cut in Ginny, sharply. "They'll hear you."

"I don't think so," said Ron. "Listen. They're yelling loudly down there."

"You have yourself the perfect spy, Albus—a master of occlumency and allergic to Veritaserum. Too perfect if you ask me. How the hell are we supposed to know if he is truly on our side and not a double-crossing snake!" bellowed Moody.

"Quiet down," hushed Molly, again.

"When did he learn occlumency and when did he induce this allergy upon himself? After he rejoined our side during the first war?" asked Arthur Weasley, softly.

Dumbledore sighed. "He mastered occlumency long before he started spying for the Order, same with the allergy."

At those words, there was an uproar of conversations, making their words inaudible for the eavesdropping students.

"Stop it," demanded Fred, speaking up for the first time that night.

"Arguing isn't going to solve anything," finished George.

"That takes guts," whispered Ron after hearing his brothers speak. Harry had to agree, they were the youngest and newest members of the Order after all.

"They're right. We should discuss this rationally," said Remus Lupin, giving creditability to the twins' words.

"If what you say is true then how did you know to trust him in the first place?" inquired Kingsley, eyeing Dumbledore intensely.

"There is more to trust than what we have magically constructed."

"But why would he have learnt these things before becoming a spy?" reasoned Tonks.

"To fool us, that's what! The lying bastard wanted us fooled from the beginning!" yelled Moody.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I trust him."

"I think at this point we need more than your trust. You're too kind hearted sometimes, overlooking defaults in people," said Elphias Doge, his wheezy voice hardly disguising his nervousness.

The four teenagers could hear the hesitant mummer of agreement float through the extendable ears. Ginny, Harry and Ron exchanged dark looks—how would they ever know where Snape's loyalties truly lay.

**xxxxxxxx**

I don't know how many people are interested in this type of stories. Please leave me a review and tell me what you think. I would love the feedback (good and bad) and always reply. Thanks guys! WeasleyGirl-ca


	2. The Price of Duality

Disclaimer: Same as the site's disclaimer

I'm so sorry for the wait for this chapter...I was swamped with school. I promise to have the next chapter up sooner. This is the longest chapter I have ever written! I hope you like it. Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers :) I've posted replies for all of my reviews at the end. Now with no further ado...

**Chapter 2: The Price of Duality**

"I for one trust Albus's judgment. Severus has obviously told Albus his story, we shouldn't expect him to divulge this information to everyone—especially after we treated him like an outsider, like he was an unworthy informant and not a member of the Order," spoke Remus, though his voice wavered slightly, almost as if he was scared to voice his opinion.

Dumbledore gave a small smile, looking at Remus with newfound respect.

"Remus is right," roared Moody. "Snape has told you his story, Albus. You can relay his concoction and we can decide his worthiness. Better yet, put the memory of his confession in a pensieve and let us see for ourselves."

A few of the Order members nodded their heads in agreement.

"That is not what I meant, Alastor. We are not going to win this war if we turn on our own people," said Remus, exasperated, his timidity replaced with disgust.

"Why are you defending him?" asked Fred, amazed.

"He's the reason you left Hogwarts. He _did_ tell his house your, um, secret," continued George.

Remus was silent for a moment, trying to formulate his thoughts.

"See, he betrayed Remus's trust. Who's to say he won't do it again," exclaimed Moody.

"Enough," demanded Dumbledore, pushing his chair back and standing up.

Everyone turned their heads toward the enraged Headmaster.

"I refuse to sit here and listen to this. All you are doing in going around in circles. I will not tell you anything that he has told in my confidence but I will tell you this. Above all, I trust him because he trusts me. Trust begets trust, Alastor. If I were to disclose his affirmations, _we_ will make a traitor of him."

He looked Moody in the eyes, daring him to argue. For once, Moody was silent, realizing the futility of continuing to discuss the issue at that moment given Dumbledore's current state.

"Molly, I thank you for the excellent meal. I will return tomorrow evening. Good day," said Dumbledore, deciding to go find his Potions Master.

**xxxx**

Snape found himself in his bathroom, once again rummaging through his potions cabinet. His fingers landed on a thin vial, which held a dark green liquid. He held it tightly in his fist and closed his eyes. Images of the deformed Moody ran through his mind, soon morphing into a younger, less disfigured version of the ex-Auror.

His eyes flew open and his hands began shaking. "Dammit," cursed Snape as he pressed his hand firmly against the counter, trying to stop the shaking.

Taking a deep breath, he took control of his body and strode into his kitchen. His hands began to tremble again as he mixed in the content of the vial with a glass of pumpkin juice. Pain was slowly coursing through his body.

He knew he should see a healer about his injuries, but he didn't—he never did. What was he going to say? "Yes, my master, the Dark Lord punished me for disappointing him. I wouldn't tell him how to get into Hogwarts, you see." He let out a bitter laugh just imagining the healer's look of horror.

Stirring the solution, he gave it a disgusted look. He hated pumpkin juice but it was the only thing with a strong enough taste short of alcohol. As much as he would have loved to drown himself in alcohol, he refused to lose control of his calculating mind—the one thing that he could control, for now at least.

He took the drink into the plain living room and sat on the couch, placing the glass on the coffee table. He stared at it, repulsively, not because of its taste but because of the weakness that it represented. Why did his confrontation with the Order affect him so badly? He didn't care for their trust. He sighed; deep down, he knew that was exactly what was bothering him.

Pain, rushing into his head jolted him out of his thoughts and he reflexively shut his eyes to displace the pain. Instantly, his head was swarmed with images…Moody, Dumbledore, himself, Dementors. This was his plight of serving two masters—physically abused by one and emotionally abused by the other.

The pain was becoming too intense. He knew that he would pass out at any minute. He desperately grabbed for the glass, trying to drink its substance before the darkness consumed him.

More pain jerked through his chest and his body involuntarily pulled him into unconsciousness. The glass fell out of his hand and crashed to the floor, spilling out the precious liquid as his body collapsed into the couch, his mind lost in his memories, his nightmares…

_November 5, 1981_

There was a faint knocking at the door. 21-year-old Snape trudged over to the entrance. Sweat plastered his black hair to his pale skin. He had dark circles under his eyes and his large nose was even more prominent against his gaunt features.

Opening the door, he was greeted by the tired headmaster of Hogwarts. The older man took one look at his spy and sighed.

"The names you gave were extremely valuable, Severus. They will be put on trial in the coming days," started Dumbledore, without so much as a greeting.

Snape nodded, feeling no real satisfaction in the capture of his former colleagues. He had failed in protecting Potter. As much as he hated Potter, he never repaid his debt. Anyway, he would probably receive the same fate as the Death Eaters he had named.

"We have to discuss your future, Severus," said Dumbledore, gently.

Snape stared at him in disbelief. There was no way the headmaster had penetrated his mind and yet he knew exactly what Snape was thinking.

"Inevitably, one of your former peers will disclose your name in an attempt to avoid Azkaban."

Snape shrugged, looking at Dumbledore, impassively. What was he to expect. He had betrayed them first, even if they didn't know it.

"No one knows you have been my spy for the last two years, so we have two options; wait until you are named by a Death Eater or go forward beforehand and present your case to the ministry. Either way, I will make sure you will not end up in Azkaban."

Snape continued to sit, unresponsively. Dumbledore placed a comforting hand on his knee but Snape pulled away, instinctively and walked towards a window, looking out into the clear blue sky, the sun shinning light into the room, mocking the darkness he felt.

"Severus, my boy, you must make an effort. Think of your sister, she depends on you."

Snape shut his eyes and his body tensed. How could he be so selfish? Dumbledore was right; Seralina had no one but him.

Dumbledore smiled. Snape wasn't totally lost; he was able to elicit some emotion in him. 

"Your safety will be jeopardized after you become a known spy—not all the Death Eaters will end up in Azkaban," continued Dumbledore.

"I can take care of myself," shot Snape, turning to face the headmaster.

"I do not doubt your skill with a wand, Severus but not everything is under your control. I have a proposal."

"Yes?"

"My Potions Master has decided to retire and move to Australia with his wife. I'm in dire need of a professor."

Snape shook his head at the absurdity in Dumbledore's suggestion.

"You had the highest NEWTS results of your class in potions. You've worked in an experimental potions laboratory for the last three years and have worked yourself up to assistant director of the lab. You are more than qualified."

"And I would be within the safe walls of Hogwarts," spat out Snape.

Dumbledore began to speak.

"No, Albus. I have already taken too much of your charity. I have never been one to take handouts," he said, almost violently.

"It is not charity. I need a Potions Master and there is no one as qualified as you."

"Did you consider my other attributes? That I'm three years out of Hogwarts. Half the student body will remember me as a student." Snape shut his eyes remembering his school days—he would never be able to hold a class for more than five minutes, let alone two hours.

"And what about my anti-social tendencies? I hate children."

"You are so wonderful with Sera."

"She's my sister, that's different. Oh and let's not forget my most important feature—I just happen to be a Death Eater," yelled Snape.

"Former Death Eater, Severus, former," said Dumbledore, unmoved by his outburst.

Snape sank into a seat and dropped his head into his hand. "I can't. I just can't."

Dumbledore walked up to him and put his hand on Snape's shoulder. Snape flinched. Sadness overcame the old man as he looked down at the defeated boy. In just a few short days, he had lost so many of his students. James, Lily and Peter to death, Frank and Alice to madness, Sirius to evil and Severus to despair.

"You just need time to think it over," whispered Dumbledore before leaving Snape to his solitude.

For what seemed hours, Snape sat in the chair, staring blankly at the empty mantelpiece. Suddenly there was a violent banging at his door. He looked at it bewildered. Who could it be? It couldn't be Dumbledore.

"Open up!" bellowed a voice.

Aurors. Snape walked slowly to the entrance when the door swung open and three Aurors barged into his small flat.

"Expelliarmus."

Snape's wand flew out of his robe pocket and into the Auror's hand. Snape tensed as the other two grabbed his arms but he didn't fight them, save for a sneer.

"Bit of a disappointment. Didn't even put up a fight," said the third Auror, dejectedly, pocketing Snape's wand. Snape recognized him as the famous Alastor Moody. "Take him away."

Moody disappeared just before he felt himself being tugged by a portkey. Immediately, he found himself in a stone walled room, with no windows and only a metal chair sitting in the centre of the room.

The Aurors pushed him into the chair and instantly shackles snaked around his wrists and ankles, chaining him to the cold chair. He struggled against the restrains despite himself, hating the feeling of confinement.

Moody's hoarse laughter rang through Snape's ears as he watched the other two men leave the room. "Too late for a struggle, I fear."

Snape scowled and refused to show his defeat. He stopped resisting his bonds and looked defiantly at the man, whose chipped nose looked worse than Snape's crooked one.

"So, one of your cowardly friends told us an interesting tale, leading us to the assistant director of the Experimental Potions Lab. Care to enlighten me?" said Moody, bringing himself so close to Snape's face, his hands gripping Snape's arms.

Snape tried to pull himself out of the hold, knowing too well that he couldn't. Instead, he spat in Moody's face, initiating the desired reaction. Moody moved away, disgusted. 

"Do you think that's going to stop this integration? Ha. Think again, you worthless piece of shit."

The verbal assault had no effect on him; he had become immune to them long time ago.

"When did you join Voldemort?"

No response.

"WHEN?" Moody moved close to Snape again, pinning him against the chair. Snape recoiled, in vain. Moody could see that Snape did not like being this close to him and a smile broke across his face.

"When?"

"Seventeen," choked Snape, trying to prevent his small dinner from coming up.

"Seventeen, eh? Very young. Still in school. You must be one piece of work—evil to the core," said Moody pulling away.

Snape shut his eyes, trying to shut those words out with the physical action.

"Who recruited you?"

Snape had already given Dumbledore every name that he knew. What did it matter now?

"Lucius Malfoy."

Moody's eyes became very dark. Snape knew instantly that Lucius must have weaseled his way out of a trial, with money, probably. The one person that he would really have enjoyed seeing in Azkaban would never see those walls.

"Your friend from school?"

Lucius had been five years his senior and barely noticed those younger than him. No, he had no friends in school. He had been in a group in his later years, but they were never his friends. They used him.

"Answer me."

"No."

"Have you used any of the unforgivables?"

Again, Snape found himself shutting his eyes, providing Moody with his answer.

"Imperius Curse?"

Snape didn't answer. He was lost in his thoughts

"Answer me, you pathetic excuse for a man!" whispered Moody into his ear. Snape winced at the hot breath on his ear but didn't speak. His body began to tremble.

"Legilimens," yelled Moody, pointing his wand at Snape.

Taken by surprise, Snape scrambled to protect his memories, concentrating on blocking everything instead of being selective of his mind as he was with the Dark Lord.

"I underestimated you," muttered Moody, still trying to break through Snape's mind barrier.

Breaking the contact, Moody went back to his previous tactic. He came so close to Snape and repeated his question. "The unforgivables, Snape. Which ones?"

Something turned in his stomach and he bowed his head to the side and felt his body retching out his dinner.

Moody laughed. "Which ones?"

It took every fibre of strength in his body to prevent tears from forming. He wasn't going to let this Auror break him. Memories of all the horrible things he had done clouded his brain as he felt Moody's cold hand wrap around his neck.

"Which ones?"

"All of them," choked Snape, tears forming just behind his eyes, not out of fear but out of guilt of his former actions. What was ironic was that he had played the role of interrogator, as a Death Eater, and he had been less than merciful himself.

"What is the meaning of this?" demanded an angry voice just as Moody released his grip on Snape.

Both men turned their heads towards the voice, which belonged to a furious Dumbledore.

Without taking his eyes off Moody, he waved his wand and the regurgitated food beside Snape disappeared.

"Well?"

"Albus, what are you doing here?" asked Moody, uncomfortably.

"I came to discuss something with you."

"I was just in the middle of interrogating this, this…" Moody was lost for a great enough insult.

Snape was able to recollect himself during the interruption and his emotions were now safely hidden behind a façade of indifference.

"I can see that. And when did we start choking our suspects?"

"First of all, he is not a suspect. He is a Death Eater. Secondly, I would not have really choked him. It was becoming hard to make him talk, that's all."

Dumbledore's eyes blazed, dangerously. Moody was confused.

"I was just looking for information before he was put on trial. You have never opposed before, Albus."

"I had come to discuss the source of my information over the last two years," began Dumbledore.

"Your inside informant?"

"My spy, yes. The person responsible for all the invaluable information over the past two years, the person who handed you so many Death Eaters in the past week—who continuously risked his life for the Order."

"Are you finally going to tell me who it is?" asked Moody, excitedly.

"He's sitting in that chair." 

Moody looked at the headmaster in disbelief. "This, this, this is your spy?"

"He's a person, not a thing, Alastor."

Snape was inwardly humiliated, watching Dumbledore defend him to this man.

"How can you trust him? He's barely a man. He would have been only nineteen when he started spying for you. He's a weasel!"

"I'm not asking your opinion, am I?" Dumbledore's voice was raised above its usual calm tone.

Both Moody and Snape were surprised at this.

"This interrogation stops here. He is not going to spend his life in Azkaban."

There was a knock on the door and a slightly paled Auror walked in. "The Dementors are here."

"He will have to be detained in Azkaban until his trail date," stated Moody. 

Dumbledore's anger was barely contained as he glared, uncharacteristically at Moody. Turning his attention to Snape, his expression softened. "I'm sorry, Severus, there is nothing I can do until your trial."

Snape nodded, pushing his pride deep inside. Two looming Dementors walked in and Moody backed away. Dumbledore, though highly concentrated, did not appear affected.

As soon as Snape caught sight of the horrible creatures, his head started to hurt. Voices and images floated in front of him as he felt himself being transferred from the bonds of the shackles to the tight grip of the Dementors. His head filled with screams and bloody images. His body began to quiver, uncontrollably as his eyes rolled back into his head. The last real thing he saw was Dumbledore's pained face before unconsciousness took over his body, engulfing him into his disturbing memories…

_The Present—The summer of 1997_

Seralina stood outside Snape's flat, lightly knocking on the door. He had to be home, it was late and her brother did not have a social life. Yet, he didn't answer.

"Severus, I know you're in there."

No answer.

Instead, she heard footsteps approaching her from the hallway. She looked behind her to see Albus Dumbledore walking to her.

"Ms. Snape Richardson, if my memory serves me well," greeted Dumbledore, pleasantly as he reached the door.

"Uh…um…yes," mumbled Sera, cursing herself at her awkwardness. She had always been prone to nervousness so easily, and being faced with the greatest living wizard was no exception.

"Your daughter, Mira, will be starting at Hogwarts this September, right?"

Sera nodded mutely. How did he know that? She wouldn't have expected him to remember the names of all the first year students.

"It will be a pleasure to have her."

Sera began to fumble with the end of her long thick black braid, wondering what to say to such a distinguished man. She had never spoken to him before in school, except a couple of times, once being when he told her about Severus being sent to Azkaban temporarily. It had been the worst news she had ever received.

"What brings you here?" asked Sera, her eyes fixated on the floor.

"Last time I checked, only my Potions Master lived here," answered Dumbledore, amused.

She kicked herself inwardly, what a stupid question. "I just, um, thought that, well, you see him for ten months in the year. I really didn't think you would, um, be visiting him in the summer."

"Ah, Severus and I happen to be good friends, though he may never admit it," replied Dumbledore, his voice wavered slightly, and his eyes saddened.

Sera almost laughed at the ridiculousness of her brother admitting to having a good friend but her shyness stopped her.

"He's not at home?" asked Dumbledore, worriedly.

"He must be," said Sera, dejectedly. "He's just not answering."

"Unfortunate, I really needed to speak with him."

"I have the key," she said quietly, knowing that was the only way in. He had protective wards around his place, which prevented anyone from apparating into his flat while allowing anyone to disapparate out.

"Oh? I wouldn't think he would give his keys out to anyone."

"He had no choice. I made him." Sera knew that though she was shy around strangers and authority figures, she was a different person around her two daughters, brother and ex-husband, Luke. Knowing Severus's tendency to forget to take care of himself, she thought it necessary to have a copy of the key.

She pushed the key into the lock and shoved the door open. They were greeted with the smell of pumpkin juice as they entered the flat.

"Severus," called Sera.

Dumbledore and Sera walked into the living room and stopped dead in their tracks. There was broken glass on the floor, soaked in pumpkin juice. Snape lay on his couch, his head tilted towards the floor.

"Oh my Merlin!" exclaimed Sera, running forward and pushing his head back onto the couch.

Dumbledore bent down, rubbed some liquid between his fingers, and brought it to his nose to smell. "An anti-somnium draft mixed with pumpkin juice."

"Dreamless potion," muttered Sera, sadly. She knew that he kept a supply at hand.

She brushed his damp hair away from his eyes and sighed. He was soaked in sweat. His eyes rolled uncontrollably under his eyelids and his hands clenched his robes, making his knuckles white.

"He never got a chance to take it," said Sera, tears escaping her eyes. Even though Snape was her half-brother, he was the closest family she had as a child. He had always taken care of her and now, here he was, being tortured by his own mind and she felt helpless.

Dumbledore walked over to Snape and placed his hand over his heart but quickly pulled it away. His lips thinned as he saw blood on his hand. "He's bleeding."

"And he's burning up. We have to get him to St. Mungo's," cried Sera, trembling, her eyes widening at the sight of her brother's blood on the headmaster's hand.

Dumbledore shook his head, sadly. "No, we cannot. I will call for a healer, one I can trust."

"What do mean, we can't?" shrieked Sera, all nervousness disappearing in face of jeopardizing Snape's health.

"Seralina," began Dumbledore.

"No! How dare you say we can't?"

"I cannot discuss this with you but his condition is the result of something the hospital will not take lightly." Even though Dumbledore's voice was firm, it was laced with regret. 

Realization dawned on Sera and began to shake her head. "No, no, he wouldn't, you wouldn't let him, no," she muttered, denying what she knew must be true.

"Sera, you have to understand—,"

"He's gone back to _Him_, hasn't he? HASN'T HE? How could you let him? How could you? Look at what it's doing to him!" accused Sera, tears running down her face.

"Sera, I'm sorry but I have to call a healer now." Sera noticed the deep emotion in the old man's voice but ignored it. To her, he was as coldhearted as He Who Must Not Be Named for doing this to her brother.

**xxxx**

Healer Brokaw had insisted that he should see to his patient in privacy.

Stirring a cup of hot tea, Dumbledore sat at the kitchen table, lost in his thoughts. He hadn't known that Severus was wounded when he had come to the Order meeting. Actually, in the last year, Snape never complained of injury. That's what concerned him the most, how long had his spy been keeping quiet?

And to think, he had allowed the Order to doubt his trust, knowing how much Snape valued it. He had come here to assure Snape of his trust in him and to ask him to compromise to prove his loyalty to the rest of the Order.

Now, he was too occupied with Snape's health to venture into the area of the Order's opinion of him. Unlike many believed, he was worried for his spy not because he was useful but because he cared about Snape, who he had known since the boy was eleven, a boy he had failed somewhere along the line.

Looking over at Snape's distraught sister, he could see that she also believed that he was heartless, sending her brother into the middle of a war zone. What she didn't understand was everything that they did was for the greater good of the world, wizard and muggle.

"He should be alright now," said Healer Brokaw, entering the room and breaking the silence. "His current injuries, though damaging and undoubtedly painful are not mortal. However, if he continues to ignore them, they will become more problematic. It is the accumulation of wounds over this past year that has rendered him into the state that you found him in."

Sera gasped, giving Dumbledore an accusing look before leaving the room. Dumbledore sighed. He was right; the boy had been ignoring his injuries.

Dumbledore placed a bag of coins into the healer's hand. "Thank you, Fenton."

The healer nodded and disapparated.

**xxxx**

Snape slowly opened his eyes. Where was he? What happened? He looked around. He was in his bedroom, but how did he get there? He remembered pain and nightmares, no, they were memories. Now he felt no sharp pain, just a dull aching.

"Severus! You're awake," exclaimed Sera as she walked into his room and flung her arms around him. Snape winced in pain as her body pressed against his wounded chest.

"I'm alright, Sera. What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? You, mister, were passed out in your living room, bleeding and running a fever for Merlin's sake! What were you thinking, Severus? 'I'll just lie here and bleed to death.' You ever heard of a healer?"

Snape cringed at her reproachful voice.

She fell into the chair beside him. "I work at the hospital, Severus. I know every single healer in that place. I do St. Mungo's payroll, for crying out loud and you couldn't even ask for help? Is it because you're too proud?"

"I couldn't—."

"Because you would have to tell me that you were going back to You Know Who, that's why. How could you, Severus? How could you? Look what he has done to you. I thought…I thought you would want to get away from that violence. I mean…" She found herself choking on her words, tears breaking loose, yet again.

"Sera, you know why I do this," replied Snape, sitting up in his bed and putting his hand on top of hers.

Sera pulled her hand away, angrily. "You do this for people who don't give a damn about you or to make up for sins you already have paid for. I don't know but either way, it's pointless.

Suddenly his eyes became cold and dark. "I will never be able to pay for the things I have done, no matter what I do," he snapped.

"You have paid for the sins of others since you were a child," whispered Sera, her expression becoming distant.

"Doesn't matter," muttered Snape, taking his eyes away from his sister and noticing Dumbledore approaching his room through the open doorway.

"What is he doing here?" asked Snape, acrimoniously.

"He came to speak to you. He called a healer here."

"A healer? Here?" said Snape, jerkily.

"Very confidential, I guarantee," replied Sera, bitterly.

Snape tensed at the thought of someone seeing his scars, old and new. Had Dumbledore seen? He shut his eyes, he hoped not.

"Severus," greeted Dumbledore.

Snape nodded. "Headmaster."

Dumbledore cringed at the use of formality.

Silence. Snape knew he wanted to speak with him in private.

Sera gave Dumbledore an icy glare. Snape could see that Sera blamed Dumbledore for his current situation as much as she blamed him.

"I'm not leaving," said Sera, firmly.

"Don't worry about me, Sera. I'm well enough to handle him," assured Snape.

She looked at him uncertainly and sighed. "Fine. I have to pick up the kids from Luke's place tomorrow. I'll be back later in the day."

Snape nodded and Sera gave him a hug. "Don't do anything stupid 'till than, please."

"He won't," replied Dumbledore.

Sera ignored the headmaster, all respect for him gone, thus diminishing her shyness in his presence. Snape nodded and she disapparated.

"Why did you not tell me of this?" asked Dumbledore, sitting in Sera's evacuated seat.

"This is none of your business," he said, sneering.

"This is very much my business as it is I who asked you to resurrect your position amongst the Death Eaters. Did you not realize how badly you have been jeopardizing your health by trying to mend yourself?" shot Dumbledore.

Snape turned his head away and shrugged.

"Maybe you shouldn't go back," suggested Dumbledore, his parental instincts overcoming his logic.

"You know that's not an option. You have no other source of information."

Dumbledore nodded, remorsefully. "During the summer, I want you to come to Grimmauld Place after a Death Eater meeting to have a healer check you over. During the school year, you will have to see Madame Pomfrey after any such meetings."

Snape looked at him in utter disbelief. Did Dumbledore really think he would walk into Grimmauld Place when he was so vulnerable? He couldn't afford to lose his daunting image by showing any weakness. "I will not," he said, flatly.

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed and raised his voice. "You will do as I say."

"You can't force me."

"Yes, I can. I will be bringing a Hogwarts house elf here, one that will take your orders unless they are in violations of mine. The elf will inform me if you do not come to the Order headquarters after a meeting."

"You can't do that! I hate house elves. They are such a nuisance. I need my solitude."

"You won't even know he's there," replied Dumbledore, a sense of finality in his voice.

Snape clenched his jaw, trying to control his temper. There was no way to stop the headmaster from going through with the foolish scheme.

"What did you come here for in the first place?" asked Snape, knowing exactly what it was and even though he didn't want to talk about the Order meeting he desperately needed to change the subject.

"That, we will discuss in the morning. It's already 2am. You need to rest now. I will be in Sera's old room if you need me."

"Excuse me? Why aren't you leaving?"

"I promised your sister that you wouldn't do anything rash until she arrived. As Sera has lost any faith she had in me, I think it is vital that I stay," answered Dumbledore

The headmaster smiled faintly at the disgusted look on Snape's face. Snape scowled at the old man as he left his room. 

Sinking into his bed, he let out an aggravated sigh. He was being forced to give up his privacy and endanger his intimidating aura. Also, he knew that Dumbledore would ask him to speak with the Order in attempts to gain their trust.

No, he would have the Order members' distrust over their pity any day.

**xxxxxxxx**

Well guys, that's that :) I realize that this was very long and I described many things. I hope it's not too much?

Thanks for sticking with me. Please review, I really appreciate the comments and opinions. WeasleyGirlca

**Review Replies**

**TheDarkLadyOfRavenclaw:** I hope you're not too mad at the long delay. I promise to finish the story! I'm the same with first chapters and I'm glad you liked it! I hope the 2nd chapter was at your standard as well. I'm not sure it was too long? Anyway, thanks for the review!

**Asha Ice:** I hope I've kept your interest even with the length. Thanks for the review!

**Tall oaks:** I think this idea is commonly used, especially after the stuff we learnt about Snape in the 5th book. I hope I can instill some uniqueness in my outtake of him and the Order :) Thanks for the review!

**Ova:** Hehe, I've wanted to kick Moody and slap Harry a bit for a while now :). I hope to succeed in putting Moody in his place by the end of the story. Thanks for the review!

**Manic:** Hmm…I haven't read Choices and as I took so long to write this one, I haven't much time to read it. Who's it by? I'm sure there would be a lot of stories with similar ideas…and I hope mine can stand as unique in idea, plot or writing style as the story progresses.

**Queenie-97: **I've always seen him as a tortured soul, pretending to be all strengths and no weakness, when in reality we all have weaknesses. I hope you liked this chapter as it continues to explore him 'torn to shreds on the inside'. Thanks for the review!

**Morena Evensong:** Tell me about it! I really think Snape is under appreciated and will probably stay that way until the end. Moody seems the type to question his trust, doesn't he? Thanks for the review!

**Snivellus aka Heather Granger:** Thanks! I hope you liked this chapter.

**HP:** Thanks! I hope this chapter was to your liking too.

**Viskii:** I hope I can take it in an appealing direction! Thanks for the review!


	3. Degrees of Emotion

Disclaimer: Same as the site's disclaimer

Here's the next chapter. It's a more appropriate length than the last chapter; I know that was long. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I've replied to my lovely reviewers at the end.

**Chapter 3: Degrees of Emotion**

Dumbledore paced up and down Snape's small living room, deep in thought. In recent years, he had rarely seen his Potions Master so engulfed in emotions that was not anger, as he had been yesterday, lying unconscious on his couch.

"It's better than no emotion," muttered Dumbledore, shivering. He knew that Snape constantly shielded his emotions, only losing control when enticed by those he loathed. Only once had he witnessed an unadulterated lack of emotion in Snape—it had shaken him to his core.

It had been at Snape's trial, June 16, 1982. Snape had been detained in Azkaban for eight months prior to his trial due to the immense accumulation of cases, ironically, thanks to Snape's precious information.

At the announcement of 'Prisoner 287', the door of Courtroom 11 had flung open and three figures had immerged. Two grotesque hooded creatures had escorted Snape to a chained chair in the centre of the room.

Snape's skin had contrasted painfully against the blackness of the Dementors gripping him. His naturally greasy hair had looked exceedingly filthy, clinging to the sides of his face. His thin shoulders were arched inward and his head had hung almost lifelessly, his chin knocking against his chest.

Dumbledore had let out an uncharacteristic gasp when Snape finally lifted his head, drawing the attention of his neighbour, Amelia Bones, who had been the Deputy Head of Department of Law Enforcement at the time.

"You all right, Albus?" Amelia had asked out of concern.

"His eyes," was all Dumbledore had given as an explanation to his behaviour.

Snape eyes had stared blankly into the distance, answering the interrogators throughout the lengthy trial with a vacant voice and an absence of reaction to their brutality. He had been so hollow—a shell of a man. He hadn't even responded to the return of the Dementors, who had come to take him back to his cell to await a decision.

It had been an entirely different story when the Wizengamot finally gave their verdict and Dumbledore had entered Azkaban to retrieve his friend…

_July 1982_

Dumbledore and an Auror walked swiftly past the dark cells, ignoring screams escaping the lips of deranged prisoners. Dementors floated through the hallways and cells of Azkaban. He felt disgust rise from the pit of his stomach as he witnessed the cruelty of the wizardry world.

"Cell number 287," announced the Auror, opening the cell door and taking a post in front of the entrance after Dumbledore entered.

A skeletal Snape sat crouched in the far corner of the dingy unit, his hands deep inside his hair, clawing at his head. A Dementor stood over him, silently, as Snape mumbled incoherently.

Waving his wand, a silver stream shot out of Dumbledore's wand. Instantly, the Dementor began to float away into another cell.

"Severus, the charges have been dropped. You can leave now," said Dumbledore, gently, kneeling down beside the young man.

Snape pushed further into the corner, trying to avoid Dumbledore's approaching hand. "I won't let you hurt her, father," muttered Snape, his eyes laden with determination, hate and fear.

Dumbledore's eyes darkened. "It's me, Albus."

Snape's eyes began to show signs of comprehension. "Headmaster?"

Dumbledore brought out a muggle pencil and reached for Snape's hand. Snape long fingers were covered in dirt and his nails seemed to have collected a dark crusty substance. Blood, thought Dumbledore, he must have been unconsciously clawing at his head to get at his dark memories.

The portkey tugged at Dumbledore and soon he landed in his office, with Snape. Snape stood in the centre of the room swaying slightly before falling into a seat that Dumbledore had conjured just in time.

"Wh-where am I?"

"Hogwarts. The Wizengamot has cleared your name."

"Why have you brought me here?" He looked like a frightened child. Dumbledore knew not to expect Snape's senses to return so soon after departing from Azkaban.

Snape's hands reached for his head again. Dumbledore waved his wand and forced Snape's hands into his lap. "Don't do that Severus."

"Don't tell me what to do," yelled Snape, his voice shaking with anger.

"It's for your own good."

"Everybody says it's for my own good. It's never for my own good," whispered Snape, his eyes falling to the floor.

Dumbledore brought out a slab of chocolate. "Eat this and then we can go see Poppy."

"No."

"It will make you feel better."

Snape eyed it suspiciously. "I hate sweets."

"Please."

Snape seemed to sense the desperation in Dumbledore's voice because he took it and began to munch on it. After many bites, the Headmaster could see a change in his former student. His posture was straighter, his eyes focused and his expression changed from that of a frightened child to the scowl Dumbledore had become accustomed to.

Dumbledore smiled. He knew that it would take time for him to recover fully from the psychological torture but at least his calculating mind was resurfacing.

They sat there, silent for a few minutes.

"What is the date?" asked Snape.

"July 2nd, 1982."

"What?" exclaimed Snape, alarmed. "School's out for the year?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"Sera! Where is she? Who's taking care of her?"

"Don't worry Severus. I have arranged for her to stay with a friend of hers until you feel better."

"She must hate me. The whole school must be looking at her with disgust. Her brother is a Death Eater."

"Not many people are aware of your past association with Voldemort. I was able to ensure a private trial for you, remember?"

Snape flinched at the mention of the name, 'Voldemort', and shook his head. "I don't exactly recall the trial. It just seems like another memory lost amongst the masses."

Dumbledore cast Snape a sympathetic look. Snape clenched jaw at this expression and Dumbledore instantly realized his mistake. Snape hated sympathy.

"No, Seralina doesn't hate you. On the contrary, I have never seen her more worried and distressed. She demanded that we let her see you and come to your trial."

Dumbledore watched him rack through his mind, trying to remember. "Did you let her?"

"No."

Snape sighed with relief. "Thank you, Headmaster, for everything."

"I and the wizardry community should thank you for what you have done."

Snape looked away for a moment before speaking again. "May I go now?"

"I think it would be wise for you to stay here for a while, at least until you recover."

"I'm fine."

"No, you are not. You're obviously suffering from malnutrition and you may still be a bit unbalanced."

"I am not deranged," retorted Snape.

"That is not what I was implying."

"May I at least have access to a shower facility?" asked Snape.

Dumbledore smiled. "I believe the password to the Slytherin common room as of the end of term is 'Serpent'. Accio robes."

Snape took the black robes and got up to leave.

"And Severus, after you're all cleaned up, please go to the infirmary."

"I am not ill," hissed Snape.

"Yet, there is blood running down the side of your head," replied Dumbledore, referring to where he had clawed at his skull.

Snape reached for his head and felt something sticky. "Fine," he sneered.

"Oh, and afterwards, we will need to discuss my offer of the Potions post," continued Dumbledore, calmly as if he was discussing the weather over tea and biscuits.

Snape pursed his lips and glared at Dumbledore with annoyance before storming out of the room.

_Present_

Dumbledore chuckled to himself—the best way to bring back the old Snape was to annoy him.

His expression sobered as his eye caught the pumpkin juice stain in the carpet. He had forgotten about it. Waving his wand, the stain disappeared.

He could only guess at what nightmare Snape had so desperately tried to prevent last night—Snape had a vast amount of memories that would cause him nightmares. Contrary to the Order's belief, the Headmaster was not privy to all these memories.

Sighing, he fell into a chair; the Order had the right to be apprehensive of his judgment. They did not know that he purposely hired Quirrell, knowing that Voldemort was manipulating him—as the famous saying went, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' Yet, on many occasions, his actions had gone abominably wrong—hiring 'Moody', keeping Harry in the dark, enlisting Snape to teach Harry Occlumency.

That had been among his biggest mistakes. Maybe he had put too much faith in Snape. "Maybe you have misplaced your trust in him—he knew the importance of teaching the boy Occlumency. Maybe he is working for _Him_" badgered a voice in the back of his head.

"No, I trust Severus—I won't turn my back on him now. The Occlumency incident played solely on his weakness, his reaction to humiliation," rebutted Dumbledore, continuing the inner dialogue.

A large crashing sound coming from Snape's room brought Dumbledore out of his thoughts. Grabbing his wand, he rushed forward, down the short hallway. A house elf, which Dumbledore had brought earlier that day, also appeared in the doorway, looking apprehensively.

Snape was near the window, violently pulling the curtains shut. The table near the window was toppled over and a few books lay scattered on the floor.

"Severus, are you all right?" asked Dumbledore, deducing that he had tripped over the leg of the table.

"I'm fine," snapped Snape, turning to face his intruders. His eyes narrowed as he noticed the house elf. Letting out a little squeak, the elf hid behind the Headmaster.

"What are you doing out of bed?"

"It's past 2pm, Albus. What do you take me for? A bat?" Snape's eyebrows furrowed as he realized that many would describe him as an overgrown bat. "Besides, the house elf must have opened the curtains," accused Snape. "The sun was irritating me."

Dumbledore chortled and patted the elf. "And I wondered why many of the students are under the impression that you're a vampire."

Snape sneered. "I'm only disappointed that the rumour has not persisted among the house elves."

"Linkle has been bad. Linkle will be punished. Master is mad," squeaked the elf, ready to bash his head into the door.

"Don't call me that!" snarled Snape.

"That will not be necessary, Linkle. I think we shall call him Professor Snape. How about you bring something for Professor Snape to eat," said Dumbledore, kindly.

Linkle nodded nervously and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Severus, you must be gentle with the house elf."

"Of course, we can all learn from the mistakes of the infamous mutt. At least he was good for something," scoffed Snape.

Dumbledore's eyes hardened. "I will not have you speak ill of the dead."

"No Albus, you will not have me speak ill of your precious Gryffindors," retorted Snape before retreating to the bathroom.

Dumbledore rubbed his forehead, exhausted. He can be so tiring, thought the old man.

**xxxxxxxx**

Another chapter down. As you can see, this story is heavily based in both the past and the present. I know there hasn't been much plot advancement in this chapter but I needed to set up the relationship between Snape and Dumbledore and finish my exploration of his life immediately after the Potters death. The next chapter will be Snape's POV (more of what Snape thinks :D) and you'll get to see Hogwarts (though school hasn't started yet), Voldemort's headquarters and Grimmauld Place.

You guys up for a glimpse of our favourite Potions Master's first day on the job? It will be on the lighter side of things, just for a bit of the chapter.

**What did you think of this chapter? I really appreciate all the feedback. It is so encouraging!**

Hope you'll stick with me :) WeasleyGirl-ca

**Review Replies**

**Asha Ice:** I love it when people who reviewed previous chapters continue to R/R, shows that I haven't fallen through the cracks, thanks. I know, the last chapter was excessively long. I should have split it into chapters. I've shortened my chapters without making them 'short'.

I'm working hard to keep Snape IC but still allow him to show other emotions and feelings beside anger and loathing, so I really appreciate your comment on that. Thanks for the review. Weasleygirl-ca

**Ova: **Oh, I can't wait to put Moody through the runner :D.

Yeah, Dumbledore is definitely being insensitive. After OotP, that was the impression I got—making Snape teach Harry extra classes, knowing how much they hate each other. I figure he overlooks important details in his grand scheme of things. I find that a lot of people are hating him after OotP…I rather like him because he isn't perfect anymore and makes big mistakes. I still think he's very compassionate. I'm so happy you stayed with my story! Thanks for the review! Weasleygirl-ca

**The Third Murderer:** Isn't it? I always wondered why the Order just accepts him among their number; maybe they have already settled the issues. I really can't see them just taking Dumbledore's word. It's fun to explore. Thanks so much for the comments! Weasleygirl-ca

**Viskii:** And I'm happy you continue reading big grin, it's so encouraging. And I'm glad you commented on Sera, I haven't really worked with OCs in my major fics before, so the comments are really helpful—I'm working hard to keep Mary Sue out! Snape needs someone to love him, don't you think?

I put more Dumbledore/Snape interaction in this chapter but it's from Dumbledore's POV…next one is in Snape's, he's always interesting to right because of his inner turmoil. Thanks for the review and sticking with the story! Weasleygirl-ca

**Melissa Jooty: **You've pinned the tail on the donkey! I really think the students need a reality check, they can't keep thinking that they know best…look where it got them last time. I am definitely putting in the bang when they realize what a bad judge of character they have—not everything is black and white, mean doesn't imply evil, they just don't get it. Hehe, I want to slap Moody and Harry, too!

Again you've hit the target—I wanted someone like Sera who could love him without condition like everybody else in his life (actually, most of them don't love him, they just use him, don't you think?). You're the second person to mention that Sera isn't Mary Sue. For that I'm thankful, I was writing it so carefully to avoid that.

And Dumbledore, like you mentioned, I think he does put himself in that father role—he's part of the group that cares for (dare I say, loves?) him but has his conditions. Thanks so much for your detailed review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Lilith11: **Thanks so much for your review!I'm happy you like Sera…so many people don't sit well with OCs, so I'm happy I created a likable one.

And thanks for commenting on the OFC thing. I can see that Snape stories vary in the relationship thing. I'm not a fan of the 'a girl's the reason I became a DE' outlook, so I'm definitely not going that way but I think I have to add the smallest little relationship to make a part of my story work. It's in the past and doesn't take up to much space or last long (they might not even admit to anything—no 'boyfriend/girlfriend thing) and it is not fluffy, rather, it's very confusing and unhappy (but not one sided). I really hope you'll still give this story a chance. I'm going to make it as appealing as possible. Thanks again for your review! Weasleygirl-ca


	4. The Master of Potions

Disclaimer: Same as the site's disclaimer

Here's the next chapter. Sorry for the delay. To my reviewers: I cannot express how much I appreciated and enjoyed your reviews! They make my day, thanks! I've replied to my lovely reviewers at the end.

**Chapter 4: The Master of Potions**

Snape grabbed a heavy black cloak as he watched Linkle send the midday breakfast dishes into the sink from the living room. Dumbledore pushed his chair back and entered the living room looking at Snape with curiosity.

"And where are you going? Ms. Richardson did ask you not to do anything ill advised."

Snape, his back turned to the Headmaster, rolled his eyes. Honestly, one would think he was a child trying to sneak past his parents. He furrowed his brow—those days were over and he did not wish to revisit them. All his life, the hate, anger, shame, betrayal and guilt consumed him. He was on constant alert to disguise the emotions that he was forever drowning in, hiding his broken soul behind a mask of coldness.

"Sera will not return until tonight and I'm sure she would approve of a trip to Hogwarts," said Snape, curtly. "I believe I left my second years' essays in my office." Couldn't the man just leave him be?

Brushing the soot off his robes, Snape stepped into the Hogwarts staff room and to his annoyance, Dumbledore soon appeared right behind him. For the first time in his life, he felt like 'Mary' in the ridiculous nursery rhyme he had heard Sera recite to his niece. He would have never thought it possible, let alone having Dumbledore as the lamb. Then again, Dumbledore had always been the persistent type.

"As it happens, I too need to fetch a few items," explained Dumbledore, cordially as he stepped out of the fireplace.

"Lemon drops, perhaps?" suggested Snape, the sarcasm barely controlled in his voice.

"Indeed," said Dumbledore, absently. "I ask you to join me in my office after you have sorted out your affairs for tea and biscuits."

"I do believe I just ate."

"Nevertheless, you could do with a bit of extra nourishment."

"I hardly consider biscuits to be of the nutritive variant."

"Would you rather I say that I'm secretly trying to fatten you up? You surely need it," replied Dumbledore, giving a knowing smile before leaving the room.

"Why can't he just admit that he wants to discuss the damned Order?" muttered Snape to himself, sitting in his usual chair, at the end of the table, in front of an ugly wardrobe.

Snape snorted. The headmaster enjoyed being infuriatingly cryptic and full of ulterior motives—a caring yet manipulative old man. Snape couldn't help but make the comparison between the Headmaster and the Dark Lord. Dumbledore never seemed to realize how like the most feared wizard he was. Yes, they stood on opposite sides of the battlefield and Dumbledore coated his actions with love while the Dark Lord used pain but the similarities were blatant—to him, at least.

His eyes caught a sudden movement ahead of him and he instantly brought out his wand.

"Damn," swore Snape, lowering his wand. It was just a long moving photograph of the staff hanging on the wall in front of him. He walked up to the photo and scowled. His own image had moved and startled him.

In the picture, he stood in the back beside Trelawney, glowering at the camera. He tried to exit the frame but Trelawney grabbed his robe and pulled him back. Meddlesome woman, he thought. He looked extremely young. "Young and stupid," muttered Snape, bitterly. The picture was old, taken the day he arrived at Hogwarts—the first day of the first warless school year in ages. Everyone around him had been so happy and full of hope. He closed his eyes, remembering…

_September 1982_

Twenty-two-year-old Snape stood rigidly behind a large, overstuffed blue couch, his eyes wondering aimlessly around the warm and welcoming room. Too warm and welcoming, thought Snape. Muttering a few words and waving his wand, he changed the soft blue walls into a dark green. With another wave, the couches turned black and the lights dimmed.

"Much better," he mumbled. He knew he wouldn't be able to live in such 'happy' quarters when he didn't know what happiness was.

"Now I know why somebody would want to become a teacher. Your bedroom is massive and you have a walk-in-closet. Not that you need one," came his fifteen-year-old sister's voice from the adjacent bedroom. Snape and Sera had just arrived at Hogwarts via the Knight Bus.

Sera walked into the living area. "Whoa, what happened to this room? Attacked by the new Potions master, I see. Oh come on, I liked the blue."

"You would, wouldn't you?" said Snape, moving towards the bedroom, armed with his wand, ready to change the décor in there as well.

She smiled. "Ravenclaw does have the best colours."

"If I remember correctly, before being sorted into Ravenclaw, your favourite colour was purple," said Snape, returning to the living area, satisfied with the colours of his bedroom.

"No it wasn't. Blue has always been my favourite."

"Your first set of muggle clothes was purple. You insisted, remember?" said Snape, realizing too late what topic he had unintentionally ventured into.

Sera's eyes watered and she looked down. "I was such a stupid child, sorry," she whispered.

"I didn't mean it that way, Sera. You were only five. Forget about it," rushed Snape, coming up to her and brushing her tears away. He hated it when his sister cried. He didn't know how to handle it.

Sera nodded slowly and hugged him. "I'm so happy you decided to take the teaching post."

Snape snorted, grateful for the change in subject—if he dwelled on the topic any longer, he wouldn't have been able to stop the emotions from overwhelming him. "I assure you, your potions mark is not going to improve by it. You'll have to do that on your own."

"Oh, I'm not expecting any favouritism from you. I know you too well. You'll favour the Slytherins, butcher the Gryffindors and act indifferent towards the rest of us."

Snape smirked. "Then why exactly are you happy to have me as your Potions master?"

"This way I can keep an eye on you."

"I thought I was the older sibling."

Again, her eyes darkened. "All my life, you took care of me but no one has ever taken care of you. At least here, I can make sure that you don't jeopardize your health. "

Snape looked away. He had been unable to regain any flesh on his body after he was freed from Azkaban and opted to hide his exceedingly bony figure underneath thick robes. He would have forgotten to eat altogether if it hadn't have been for his sister who had constantly forced him to eat. He knew that he wouldn't have survived the summer without Sera.

"You promise to be careful?" begged Sera, tugging at his robe sleeve to bring him out of his thoughts.

"I'll try," muttered Snape.

Sera was about to counter his reply when someone knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"

"Minerva."

Snape walked up to his door and pulled it open.

"The students will be arriving soon. You should be in the Great Hall," said McGonagall, stepping into the room and just barely disguising her surprise at the change in décor.

"Yes Professor."

"We're colleagues now, Severus. It's Minerva. And Miss. Snape, you should wait at the entrance for your peers."

"Yes ma'am," muttered Sera, nervously. She quickly smiled at Snape before leaving.

"She's rather shy, isn't she?" mentioned McGonagall as they made their way to the Great Hall. "She's been my student for four years and she's still jittery around me and all the teachers for that matter."

"Luck is always against me, it seems. One can only hope for an obnoxious and egoistic sister," said Snape, bitingly. Like Black and Potter, he thought.

Leaving the baffled professor at the Great Hall entrance, he found his seat beside McGonagall's empty one and sat down. The teachers smiled at him encouragingly as the upper year students filed into the hall. He kept his head up and set his face into a daunting glare.

Soon the nervous first years were sorted into their houses and Dumbledore stood up to welcome the students into a new year and after a couple of words, food instantly piled onto the empty dishes.

Snape pushed the food around on his plate. "You know, it would be awfully bad for your reputation as a teacher if you collapsed on your first day," said McGonagall. "I'm sure the house elves haven't poisoned the food. The Yorkshire pudding is rather delicious, in fact."

"I'm sure it is," muttered Snape, peevishly as he reluctantly ate his dinner.

"Now that we have all been fed and watered, I would like to remind everyone that the forest is forbidden to all students. Our caretaker, Mr. Filch has all the rules listed on his office door. Finally, I have the pleasure to introduce Professor Severus Snape, our new Potions Master."

There was a stunned silence among the older students as they peered up at Snape, shocked. They greeted him with a lukewarm applause, which was slightly louder at the Slytherin table.

Snape sneered back at the students. He wasn't going to let his former reputation ruin his reputation as a teacher—he just couldn't.

The next morning, Snape was forced to attend a quick staff meeting in the staff room.

"Well, Severus, I'm delighted to have another Slytherin among our ranks," greeted his former Head of House and Defense Against the Dark Arts professor after the meeting.

"Good morning, Professor Hargrove."

"Caelen," corrected Hargrove. "You know, I have a good feeling about this year. We're going to win the house cup."

McGonagall looked up from her paper. "We'll see about that."

Hargrove laughed. "So, what's your first class, then?"

"Hufflepuff/Gryffindor NEWTS potions."

"Ah, the seventh years. Would have been better to have first years first, easy to mold your image with them, you see. Nevertheless, I know you'll do well. Just be firm, don't let them see any weakness even if they already have an opinion of you," advised Hargrove.

Snape could hear the students conversing amongst themselves just outside the dungeon doors. Taking in a deep breath, he pushed the door open. It slammed against the wall as he marched into the drafty room, his robes billowing behind him.

The students looked up at him, surprised by the sudden outburst but upon noticing Snape, a few Gryffindor students went back to their conversations.

"20 points from Gryffindor," sneered Snape. He had noticed that the house hourglasses already contained gems that morning and grateful used that against the students. He surveyed the class, recognizing all ten of the students in front of him—they were only a few years younger than him.

"You can't do that!" exclaimed one of the Gryffindors.

"I believe I just did. That will be another 5 points."

"Stupid Snivellus," muttered another student under his breath.

Snape used all his willpower to prevent his face from burning with humiliation and swooped down, pressing his palms onto the boy's desk and looking him directly in the eyes. The boy moved backward in his chair, startled.

"You shall address me as professor or sir," he hissed. "And you shall meet Mr. Filch tonight for detention, Mr. Bowen."

The Gryffindors stared at him, spitefully but decided it was best to stay silent.

"This is NEWTS potions and though I doubt most of you actual posses the skills of an expert potion brewer I shall attempt to imbed in your useless minds the subtlety of advanced potions. There shall be no nonsense tolerated in this class and I accept only the highest quality of work."

He paused as his eyes swept the classroom. Everyone was looking at him, some apprehensively, others with a slightly bored expression, as if they did not take his introduction to heart. I'll change that, thought Snape. He waved his wands and small slips of numbered parchment landed on the desks, in front of each student.

"Let's see how well you have retained previous knowledge. At the back of the classroom are 10 sets of ingredients, all unique to particular potions you have learnt over the past six years. You are to retrieve the set that corresponds to your number, identify the potion that the combination of ingredients create and brew the potion."

The students sat, dumbfounded. "Without procedures to follow?" asked a Hufflepuff girl.

"5 points from Hufflepuff for speaking out of turn. The only information you are given about the potions are the ingredients. Failure to successfully identify and brew your potion will result in completing a 5-foot essay on the uses and chemistry behind your potion, due by the next class."

Nobody moved.

"Why are you still sitting there? I would assume that you would want to prove yourself more than the dunderheads you are."

At those words, there was a sudden scratching of chairs against the floor as students hurriedly gathered their ingredients and started to work through the puzzle.

"This is so unfair," mumbled one student as he looked bewilderedly down at the various ingredients.

Snape smiled inwardly as he watched the anxious students. Slowly, he would erase the reputation Potter and Black had sketched for him and replace it with fear and loathing, it was a type of respect, he decided—better than being ridiculed at any rate.

_Present_

Pain jolted through his left arm, violently snapping him out of his thoughts. He couldn't understand what possessed him to fall into such a vivid memory. It was as if he had been woken up from a dream. Again, pain shot through his arm and he clutched his marked arm, painfully. It was too soon after his last meeting. What could the Dark Lord possibly want?

He draped his cloak around him and headed for the main entrance. Dumbledore would have to wait. He could never ignore the Dark Lord's call.

**xxxxxxxx**

I know I said that this chapter would have Voldemort's and the Order's headquarters but the chapter would have become exceedingly long. I'm sorry for the delay. I blame it on my horrid exams and then the lack of computer during my two-week holiday. I hope to be more regular and frequent with my updates from now on. Again, my reviewers…you're the best!

What do you guys think of this chapter? Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Happy New Years everyone!

**Review Replies**

**Lilith11:** I haven't written many fics but I have spent a great deal of time lurking (and reviewing anonymously) and before I decided to sign up and tackle writing. Fiction Alley Forums are really helpful but sometimes they become really picky. My chapters are definitely going to be more regular and frequent now that exams are behind me. Hope to see more of your story. Thanks for your delightful review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Emma:** Thanks! Weasleygirl-ca

**Phinea Rogue**: Now that exams are over, I am going to start your sequel (amazing story!). I'm glad you like Sera, I've become rather attached to my creation and I hope I can keep her character consistent. Dumbledore and Snape's relationship is so complex, isn't it? And there are so many interpretations, I love it! Personally, I think they both care for each other but Dumbledore is a bit manipulative. Thanks for the great reviews! Weasleygirl-ca

**lil' Cute Snivellus:** Amusing but sad :D that's what I was hoping for. I'm glad that's the way it turned out. Melodramatic is more on the exaggerating side (if I do become melodramatic, please tell!). I think I was going for a more bittersweet type of chapter. Thanks so much for you wonderful review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Silverthreads:** My writing always seems to take a mind of its own (it's the same with essays—I just starts typing and see where it takes me). Thanks for the review! Weasleygirl-ca

**duj:** I've always seen Dumbledore as a mix of a fatherly disposition and ulterior motives (i.e. save the world at all costs). I guess we all have different viewpoints of everything in HP. It makes fanfiction so interesting, don't you think? Thanks for the review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Viskii:** Ooo, long review :D! You're so right about the caring about Harry more (that's how I feel overall) but then again we do see it only through Harry's eyes. Yup, in my story, you're right. I can see a mix of my sister in Sera too…though my sister has a crazy temper and well, I try not to piss her off too much (Sera isn't that bad, lol). I laughed at my little jokes in that chapter. I'm not too good at the whole subtle humour thing, so I'm really pleased you liked it :D. My story is leaning more towards a balance b/w past and present (but right now, it's more in the past, isn't it?). I hope I can continue to balance everything properly. Thanks for the delightful (and long :D) review! Weasleygirl-ca

**risi:** Grins I love those stories too! I guess that's why I'm writing one. Thanks for the wonderful review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Snivellus aka Heather Granger**: This chapter had a little more Sera (with more to come) and Severus musing on Albus. I hope you liked it. Thanks for the great review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Asha Ice:** Linkle took me a long time to come up with (I admit, I did take tinkle and replace the 't' with 'l', lol). House elves always have unusual names. This one is slightly on the happier side…less ridicule and more feared (which I think he sees as respect). Thanks so much for the lovely review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Morena Evensong: **I really like your ideas! You've got a point about the whole Sera not trusting them (wow, you really understand her!). Yeah, this story is so heavily based in flashbacks. I thought I would try this approach to explore his past instead of writing it as a story starting form say age 5 onward (though you will most definitely see 5-year-old Snape). Thanks for the wonderful review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Molly:** Thanks! Snape is the best! Weasleygirl-ca

**Olivia:** Thanks :D! Weasleygirl-ca

**hulahula:** Long review, yay! I really appreciate your comments on the set-up of my story (a point I was nervous about). You caught the scars! Ah, poor Snape! More on the scars to come :D. Yeah, I want a caring yet complicated Dumbledore-Snape relationship. I also want to thank you for pointing out that I should express Snape's thoughts on Dumbledore, which I did in this chapter. I hope that, as the story progresses there will be other thought floating around about each other and other characters. Oh, my poor Snape…what will happen to him before they trust him? Thanks you so much for your fabulous review! Weasleygirl-ca

**XiaoGui:** Lots of people don't seem to like OCs but I'm glad Sera is ok and you are right about the "It's ok," part (I've changed it, thanks). I may have made Moody too cruel (but for some reason I wouldn't put it past him, I don't know why). Isn't Azkaban a horrible place? I just can't help thinking that the wizardry world is slightly backward as they ally themselves with such vile creatures. My bat and vampire remark—hehe, I'm happy you liked it! Thanks so much for your wonderful reviews! Weasleygirl-ca

**Oya:** 10 days without a computer…I know how you feel! Dumbledore favours the Gryffindors just as much as Snape favours the Slytherins, just less obviously, don't you think? Ah, the slapping part…I'll try to bring it in…maybe a tiny slap here and there before the big bang, lol. Thanks for the lovely review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Athena Keating-Thomas:** I'm back at a computer :D but the holiday was relaxing so I guess I can't complain. Thanks for the review! Weasleygirl-ca


	5. Answering the Call

Disclaimer: Same as the site's disclaimer

Finally, the next chapter :D. To all who reviewed: you guys are amazing. My appreciation is infinite. As always, replies at the end.

**Chapter 5: Answering the Call**

Taking a deep breath, he whispered a password and pushed against the heavy door, letting in a cold draft as he entered the entrance hall of the manor.

While the Dark Lord inquired upon breaking the wards of Hogwarts, Snape had tried to determine a way into the manor. However, it seemed impossible to infiltrate both Hogwarts and the Dark Lord's headquarters.

The unlocking of the door was responsive to each Death Eater's personal password, voice and fingerprints. The door was also sensitive to how many people paced through and instantly shut behind him, ensuring that only he entered.

Since the Second War, he had never had two meetings in such close proximity to each other and even with the healer's help, he was unsure of how well his body could cope with another encounter with the Dark Lord so soon.

"Take off your mask," hissed a woman as he neared another set of doors. "He's not in the mood for anonymity today, Severus."

Snape's lips thinned under his mask. He hated how Lestrange always knew he was under the mask.

Lestrange laughed softly. "You move with the elegance of an aristocrat and yet, we all know you are far from one."

"And you, Bellatrix," started Snape as he removed his mask, "Have the class of a barbarian."

Snape smiled as her face distorted in much the way he had implied before entering the room. Lestrange followed behind him and stood near the door as Snape moved forward.

It was a large, windowless hall lit by dim torches, allowing shadows to drape the room. At the end of the hall, stood a large, throne-like chair, with another door behind it. The chair was empty. Snape's heart began to beat faster. Where was the Dark Lord?

"Looks like Master wants to play," said Lestrange, gleefully.

Snape's hand curled into a fist as his eyes lay fixated on the chair.

"Good of you to grace us with your presence," whispered a silky voice from behind him. The Dark Lord was so close by that his hot breath brushed against Snape's neck. He felt the individual hairs on his neck rise. He had to use every fibre in his body to stop himself from flinching as a bony hand wrapped around his upper arm.

"Always so tense." Though Snape could not see the Dark Lord, he knew he was smiling, sadistically—it was in his voice.

"I'm sorry for the delay, Master," said Snape, his voice matching the silkiness of the older man.

Voldemort's eyes narrowed as he made his way to the grand chair. Snape could have kicked himself for his refusal to play the role of a pitiful servant. He shouldn't have used that tone with the Dark Lord.

"Explain the delay," said Voldemort, calmly.

"I was at Hogwarts."

"Ah, I hope you have something new to report, then."

Snape could feel Voldemort probing through his mind as he talked. Snape had become so used to this that veiling certain memories and thoughts became a second nature.

"It appears that only the Headmaster can lax the protective wards and I have been unable to find a way to penetrate them, Master."

"And the Floo Network?"

"Only staff has access to the Hogwarts' Floo Network. The Headmaster has the ability to open the network for someone else if he deems it necessary but only on a per-trip basis. Portkeys can only be used in the presence of the Headmaster, my Lord."

"I have always considered you as my most intelligent servant but lately you only seem to disappoint me."

Lestrange chuckled in the corner.

"Tell me, Severus, what this potion is?" asked Voldemort as he sent a small vial towards Snape.

Snape caught it in his hand and opened it.

"It is the potion I asked you to create last month. Do you remember what I asked for?" continued Voldemort.

"For a healing inhibitor."

"And what were you able to provide me with?"

"A potion that inhibits the magical healing of any damage sustained prior to taking the potion. Any injury formed after drinking the potion would not be affected by the potion and can be healed." Snape did not understand what the problem was—the Dark Lord had been satisfied with the potion when he presented him with it.

"Do know Tambre Kettle? She's an Unspeakable."

"Yes, my Lord." Now Snape understood what the problem was. How was he going to weasel his way out of this corner?

"Well, I had her _interrogated_ a week ago."

Snape knew that what he meant by interrogating involved a great deal of physical and maybe mental damage to his victim.

"Instead of killing her afterwards, I gave her your potion. It would have been amusing to see her suffer—she hadn't been that useful, after all. Unfortunately, she's perfectly healthy. Someone has found an antidote to your little potion."

Snape head was throbbing. He had created the antidote himself and given it to Dumbledore when the girl was brought to St. Mungo's.

"It may be possible to determine the composition of the potion by taking a blood sample and from there an antidote may be feasible."

"So, you're saying that you created a potion of such simplicity that someone would easily discover the antidote."

Snape wasn't sure if he suspected him, he couldn't think clearly—the throbbing in his head was becoming uncontrollable. "I apologize."

The door near Lestrange opened and Rabastan Lestrange walked in and stood beside his sister-in-law.

"You will have to provide me with a similar potion. And Severus, this one better be complex enough to prevent a repeat in your failure."

"Yes, Master."

"He's all yours," said Voldemort, addressing the two Lestranges as he got up. He opened the door behind the chair and just before he left, almost as an afterthought, he said, "And Bella, I do want him alive and sane."

Deadly silence swept the room just after the door shut behind the Dark Lord. Snape wrapped his fingers tightly around his wand as Bellatrix walked towards him even though he knew he couldn't fight them. Resisting punishment was amongst the greatest idiocy for a double agent—any hint at treason had to be avoided at all costs.

"Ah, Severus," muttered Bellatrix as she ran her finger across his defined jaw line and pulled his wand from his clenched hand. "I haven't had fun in such a long time."

Snape pulled his face away from her. His heart was beating so fast he was sure that she could hear it and yet, he couldn't hold his tongue.

"Pity," he replied, raising an eyebrow. "Although, if Rodolphus is really so inept in that quarter, I can recommend several potions that may help."

Rasbastan snorted quietly. Bellatrix's burned with anger. She raised her hand and slapped him across the face, the thud echoing throughout the room.

"Touched a nerve, have I?" continued Snape, unfazed.

Her eyes glittered, dangerously as she pushed him against the wall, violently. Her hand pushed against his chest and a smile crept across her face as she felt his rapid heartbeat under her palm.

"Poor, poor Severus, always pretending to be imperturbable and yet, your body gives you away," she whispered in a sweet voice, inevitably laced with acid.

She ripped his robes open, baring his chest. His wounds from the previous day's meeting were healing nicely and only the faintest lines were visible. Bellatrix traced her finger across one of them, smiling. "Have you been to a healer, dear Severus?"

She waved her wand and the wounds reopened; blood instantly started trailing down his chest and abdomen. "What a waste." Snape shut his eyes, trying to ignore the sharp pain in his chest.

"Crucio."

Snape's head tried to snap back in surprise but only managed to hit his head harder against the wall. He let out a strangled cry before biting down on his tongue to prevent any further sound.

Usually, a victim of the cruse was given the room to fall to the floor in order to try to evade the pain. However useless the action was, it was automatic and that was exactly Snape's unconscious response. Bellatrix stood within an inch of Snape, preventing the bodily reaction and only adding to his pain.

The agonizing pain seemed to last for ever, surging through his body and hitting every nerve. Finally, his eyelids became heavy and he fell limp into Bellatrix's arms.

"Ennervate. You're not getting out of this that easily," she said, smirking as his eyes fluttered open.

It seemed like hours, though it was probably less before he heard the merciful words coming from one of his tormentors. "Don't you think you've had enough fun, Bella? We can't curse him into insanity. The Dark Lord will have our necks for it," said Rasbastan, placing a hand gently on her shoulder.

She reluctantly lowered her wand and step away from Snape, allowing him to sink to the ground. He dropped his head into his drawn knees, trying to regulate his breathing. He arched his shoulders inward out of weakness.

"He's passed out again," laughed Bellatrix as a third person entered the room.

"Bella, Rasbastan, the Dark Lord wants you presence. Apparently, he wants to make sure that all plans are in place for tonight," said the newest Death Eater, Rodolphus Lestrange.

"I wanted one more go at Severus, over here," complained Bellatrix. "I know the plans perfectly. This breakout will be easier than last time. There's no Dementors to persuade, now is there?"

They were planning an Azkaban breakout, thought Snape, his mind racing. He had to warn the Order.

He kept his head in his knees, deciding to pretend unconsciousness. He knew that they would continue to discuss any plans even if he were awake. He was still a _'loyal Death Eater'_ within the inner circle. However, if they thought he was unconscious, any failed plans could not be traced to him.

"Only dozens of Aurors, with more on call," spat out Rasbastan.

"That's why we attack Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade tonight," replied Rodolphus, annoyed. "Now, let's go. We shouldn't keep the Dark Lord waiting. You managed to keep form mortally wounding Severus, haven't you?"

"Yeah," said Bellatrix, absently. "He'll be able to get home when he wakes up."

Snape waited until their footsteps faded before lifting his head. He noticed his wand lying near the wall facing him.

Pushing his back against the wall, he slowly brought himself to a standing position. His eyes fell onto his bloodied chest and he quickly buttoned his robe. Instantly, the robe dampened and a hint of dark maroon seeped into the black cloth.

Tremors ran through his body as he made his way to his wand. He cursed under his breath. Bellatrix always had a fondness for the Crutiaus cruse. Numbness seized his mind and he felt little emotion though he knew hate and shame lingered just below the surface.

**xxxx**

Sera sat on a couch in Snape's flat, tapping her feet against the floor, impatiently, wondering where Snape was.

Suddenly a green flame appeared in the fireplace and Snape stepped out. He stumbled and grabbed the mantel for support, not noticing Sera.

Sera jumped up and her eyes narrowed as she saw his stained robes and unstable posture. "What have you done," she exclaimed, running over to him and leading him to the couch.

"I can take care of myself," hissed Snape. "I have to tell the Order…Azkaban…tonight…" He couldn't think straight. He didn't seem to realize that Sera was standing there listening to him. He started walking towards the bathroom. If only he could get to his potions—mask his wounds. He could taste blood in his mouth.

Tremors took over his body and he was forced to lean against the wall to prevent falling. Sera ran to him. "I have to get you to the hospital," she said, desperately.

Snape shook his head. He knew he would pass out any minute. "No," he muttered, willing his body to stay awake. "Must tell Dumbledore."

"Screw that bastard! You need a healer."

"Sera," he started, grabbing her arm. His eyelids became heavy—he couldn't pass out before telling someone. "You must tell him…they are planning a breakout and attacks on…on Diagon…Hogsmeade…tonight."

"Professor is hurt! Linkle must take professor to healer," squeaked the house elf, rushing into the room.

"Yes, we have to get Severus to the hospital."

"No, no, Linkle must follow Master Dumbledore's orders," muttered Linkle, coming up to Snape and taking hold of his hand.

Snape's eyes widened. "No." How could he have forgotten about the damn elf? Before he could protest anymore, there was a loud 'pop' and Snape and the elf disappeared.

They instantly reappeared in a painfully familiar setting—the living room of number 12, Grimmauld Place.

One person sat in an armchair, his head hidden behind the Daily Prophet. The man brought the paper down, revealing the disfigured face of Alastor Moody.

Snape swayed on the spot, ignoring the blood that suddenly sprang from his nose. Of all the people who could be sitting there, it had to be Moody.

Moody took a moment to comprehend the situation before his face broke out into a smile. "Well, well, well, look who it is," he greeted, maliciously as the darkness took over.

**xxxxxxxx**

I really wanted to have this chapter up sooner but school is proving more time consuming than last semester. When I finally got a chance to finish the chapter, I couldn't think of an appropriate title and I had to settle with this one. I miss writing in a flashback but I needed to advance the story and logistics (for lack of a better term) on the present side before I bring in his childhood. The rating may go up to R by the next chapter. I don't know until I actually write the chapter.

**Review Replies**

**Asha Ice: **Yeah, I've always loved the cute, kind of silly names the house elves have. Oh, Sera is going to show her not so sweet side pretty soon. She's not a Death Eater or anything but she'll do about anything for the people she loves. There's also more child Sera to come. Thanks for the wonderful review! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Phinea Rogue:** Tell me about it, whenever someone says my sisters are cute, I'm quick to disagree (even though we're close). I'm glad you liked my 'lemon drop' bit, I was so happy when I read your comment—I'm not too good with sarcasm but I came up with that one on my own :). I got help with the little comeback he has in this chapter. I always wondered how he coped with teaching students he went to school with after seeing how he was treated in school. Thanks for the lovely review! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Silverthreads:** Yeah, it's hard to change times while keeping the flow. It's nice to know that it's not to disruptive. Thanks! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Lilith11:** That's what I thought. I know he's generally an unpleasant person but it seems plausible that his intensity of vindictiveness was created to protect himself. I think it's a very Slytherin thing to do, though of course I think he has a bit of all the houses in him. Thanks for the lovely review! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Oya:** I know, I was so unsure about having the kid call him a name, and _that_ name at that because his reaction seemed too mellow for Snape. All I can think of to explain his lack of greater reaction is his inexperience. If someone did that to him now, oh, I'd be glad I wasn't him, lol. BTW, Moody's going to get a mini slap (in the form of a scolding) in the next chapter :D. Thank you so much for the review! Weasleygirl-ca.

**stocktonwood:** I love how you picked up on all the little hints. Though I'm sure a lot of the things have been done many times before, given the hints we got out of the 5th book but I hope that my version can still hold intrigue and I do have some unique bits scattered around, I think. I'm glad you liked Snape's first day…I enjoyed writing that part a lot. Thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca.

**risi: **Oh, he was hard on Severus…I don't like Bella! I agree with you, I don't know if I could handle going back to a place where everyone knows me for thing(s) I don't want to think about. It must have been hard on Snape and I can see him putting up this offensive wall, jumping at people before they could jump at him. Thanks for the wonderful review!

**Marleen:** I love all the descriptive words you used to describe Snape. They're perfect! That's him in a nutshell—Snarky, self-destructive, heroic and redemption seeking. Thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Viskii:** Oh high school, yup definitely a time consuming thing, it's exam time now, right? School's taking up so much of my time too. Thank you for your character comment! I wasn't sure if I was shaping his character nicely or just writing events…I want this to be a character driven story. Again, thank you for the great feedback! Weasleygirl-ca.

**XiaoGui: '**Old Wounds' is a stunning one-shot. I just ate it up—it was just so intense in such a limited amount of words! I'm so glad you like Sera, knowing how particular you are with OCs :). She's going to get very three-dimensional soon; she'll do anything for someone she loves. I took your advice about Snape's speech and did paid more attention to it. I agree with you with the Dumbledore/Voldemort comparison. I'm sure they stand on opposite side but sometimes Dumbledore's methods are questionable, don't you think? Grins at comment on 'lemon drops', silly Dumbledore, eh? And, I love the way you divided up this chapter, it's exactly how I saw it! Thanks so much for your lovely review and wonderful advice! Weasleygirl-ca.

**hulahula:** Smiling so much Thanks for the great comments, you don't know how much I appreciate them! Oh, I also blushed along with Severus when he was called 'Snivellus', I felt so bad doing it, poor Sev. Voldemort was also so horrible and now I've left him with mean old Moody. Sera did know about Snap's Death Eater days when they were looking at his new rooms. She didn't know about them until Snape was caught and sent to Azkaban to await trial. It was a big shock to her but she loves Snape too much to judge him. You've been so wonderful, thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Morena Evensong:** Again, you understand my story so well. You explained my reasoning for using flashbacks so precisely. That's exactly what I feel but you put it into words. I want to show what brought him to what he is now while showing that 'now'. Yeah, Snape has some trust issues in my story, so even though he respects and feels in debt to Dumbledore he can't bring himself to fully trust him at this point. It's a really fragile relationship they have. You're right about Dumbledore and Voldemort…they're both leaders of a war and if they want to be on the same field they will be forced to be comparable. I love how insightful you are of my story! BTW, as soon as school starts a nervous little niece will make an appearance :). Thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Marauder3Moony:** Not the quickest update, lol…schools to blame. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for the review! Weasleygirl-ca.


	6. Betraying the Innocent

Disclaimer: Same as the site's disclaimer

A chapter in less than two weeks! To all who reviewed: you guys make my day. I can't begin to express my appreciation! As always, replies at the end.

Quick A/N: This chapter contains issues of domestic violence (not explicit) and suicide (not our Potions Master, though).

**Chapter 6: Betraying the Innocent **

Sera pounced on the house elf as soon as it reappeared in the flat. "Where did you take him," she demanded, shaking him.

"Linkle cannot tell," squeaked the elf, frightened. "Linkle not allowed."

"Well, Linkle had better find his blasted master if he knows what's good for him."

The elf nodded reluctantly and disappeared. Sera paced the living room, fury building up inside of her with no outlet to ease her agony.

She sat down and closed her eyes, picturing her children playing at the kitchen table while she conversed with Severus, willing the calmness to sweep over her. 'Everything will be fine," she murmured.

"Seralina?"

Sera's eyes snapped open in surprise. The house elf had reappeared, hiding behind the Headmaster.

She clenched her fists as anger reentered her mind. "How dare you take him away like that? Where have you taken him?"

"Somewhere safe, I assure you," said Dumbledore, the hint of sadness evident in his voice.

"Take me to him, please." She didn't bother to hide the desperation in her voice.

"I cannot do that so easily, Seralina. You must understand."

"No, you must understand that I don't trust you when it comes to my brother. I didn't want to bring it down to this, Headmaster. I would have liked to have given you the information freely but you give me no choice."

"What information?"

"Information that you need immediately. Something that Severus told me. He asked me to tell you, knowing that he wasn't going to stay conscious for much longer," she said, spitefully.

"Sera, you wouldn't withhold important information."

"And I thought that you wouldn't treat my brother like a source of information and nothing else," she retorted, hotly.

"Sera—."

"Listen, I don't want anyone to die but I will not let you compromise my brother's well being."

Dumbledore sighed, a novel sense of defeat overcoming him. "All right Sera, let's go."

**xxxx**

Moody slowly folded the Daily Prophet and got out of the armchair, his eyes fixed on the fallen man. He bent over with some difficulty and checked for a pulse. Satisfied that Snape wasn't going to die if he delayed calling a healer, he took out his wand and muttered, "Ennervate."

Snape reluctantly opened his eyes. It took him a moment to realize that it wasn't Lestrange reviving him in order to curse him again. No, standing over him was Moody, holding his wand down at him. His head throbbed as humiliation gripped his mind, overriding the pain—here he was, barely able to stand up, with the blasted ex-Auror looking down at him, happily. Why was he so weak?

Using his ailing strength, he grabbed onto a chair and tried to lift himself from the floor. He could see his blood staining the carpet beneath him. "Moody—," he began, before he was overcome in a fit of coughs.

"Come to make a confession," said Moody, jovially.

"Attack—." Snape began to shiver even though his body seemed to be burning.

"What, they attacked you with a coughing curse?" continued Moody.

Snape glared at Moody. "Listen!" He had tried to raise his voice but only found himself whispering hoarsely.

"Why should I listen to you? Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater."

He felt himself sinking again, his eyelids becoming heavy. He tried to fight the drowsiness but he didn't have the strength to fight his body _and_ Moody.

**xxxx**

Molly Weasley bustled into number 12, Grimmauld Place, carrying bags in each hand. "Alright children, upstairs with these things. I want them packed right away. No need for any confusion when school starts," she said as she handed the bags over to Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny, who were in tow behind her.

The teenagers added the bags to their already loaded hands and started making their way upstairs, too concentrated on not dropping the parcels to notice anything amiss in the living room.

"And I want you all to finish your homework. There's still a lot of work to do around here, so the sooner you've done your schoolwork the faster you can get to your chores."

"Oh joy," muttered Ron. "What a treat! Chores. You've done that Potions essay, right, Hermione?"

"Not that you'll see it," replied Hermione as the four of them disappeared into their rooms.

"Rather busy in Diagon Alley," said Molly, addressing Moody as she took off her wet cloak. "Pouring kneazles and nifflers out there."

"Ennervate," came Moody's voice.

"Alastor, what are you doing?" asked Molly, noticing the man concentrating on something hidden behind a couch.

Molly made her way over to Moody and let out a loud gasp. "Merlin! What happened?" she cried as she bent down over the unconscious man to check his vitals.

"Apparently 'Ennervate' isn't working on him anymore," muttered Moody, disappointedly.

"What do you mean? Why would you be trying to prematurely revive him?" Molly's face was etched with concern as she ran to the fireplace and threw some powder into it. "Healer Brokaw."

"The perfect opportunity, don't you see? He'd be too drowsy to resist interrogation."

Molly gave Moody a dangerous look. "How dare you! He's here, bleeding to death and you want interrogate him! What happened to calling a healer instantly? That was Dumbledore's orders, though no normal person would need to be told."

"You called?" interrupted a man from the fireplace.

"Healer Brokaw, you must come here immediately. It's an emergency."

The healer nodded without question.

"Oh dear," sighed Healer Brokaw as he saw the state of his patient. "Let's get him to a bed, shall we and Molly, you'll have to fetch me a clean nightshirt."

They took him to a bedroom on the ground floor and Healer Brokaw told Molly to wait outside while he looked at Snape.

Moody stood in the hallway, looking like a child whose candy had just been taken away.

"You are absolutely despicable," yelled Molly, turning to Moody and suppressing the urge to slap him. "Do you have no compassion? How Arthur holds you in such high esteem is beyond me."

Moody winced slightly at that comment. "Molly, you must understand—he's a Death Eater and once you're a Death Eater—."

"What you thought at that moment didn't matter—his health did and you ignored it. You pride yourself in never lowering yourself to the level of Death Eaters during the First War and yet, here you are acting just like one of them."

"I am nothing like them!"

"You acted exactly like them. You were willing to take advantage of the situation at his expense and what's worse is that he's your colleague—only You Know Who and his followers would stoop to that level." Her hands shook with anger.

"He is not my colleague," growled Moody.

"Is everything ok, mum?" asked Ginny, standing at the top of the flight of stairs.

"Go back to your room," snapped Molly. Ginny looked surprised and hurt but Molly had no time to apologize.

She waited impatiently until she heard Ginny's door shut before countering Moody. "Not your colleague? Who do you suspect butchers all the attacks? Brings back priceless information? Keeps us one step ahead of the enemy? Keeps us safe from surprise? Do you know how many people would have died if not for him?" Why hadn't she seen it before?

"Do you know how many he killed?" retorted Moody, smiling as if he had just delivered the best punch line.

Molly wasn't fazed. "Everyone deserves a second chance. At least he sees the mistakes he's made. You, on the other hand, are too arrogant to see your own errors."

"But how do you know he's taking this second chance as you call it. For all we know, he never left _him_ in the first place."

Molly suddenly felt very tired. Dealing with Moody's arrogance was more draining than keeping Fred and George in line, even when they were toddlers.

Moody opened his mouth to continue in his defense when the door to the bedroom opened.

"How is he?" asked Molly, anxiously.

"Not good, I fear," replied the healer.

"What do you mean?"

"He's been subjected to an excessive amount of the Cruciatus Curse and 'Ennervate'. He's also got very deep flesh wounds."

Molly glared at Moody. Moody shrugged his shoulders, indifferently and left the hallway.

"Normally, I wouldn't be breaching my patient confidentiality but under the circumstances, it seems necessary."

Molly nodded. "Anything else?"

"Unfortunately. He has caught a rare form of bacterial pneumonia. Generally, a witch or wizard is immune to such bacterial infections but under the physical and emotional stressors he's been subjected to, his immune system was too weak to prevent infection."

"Can you treat it?"

"There are very successful antibiotics for some forms of infection but not for this particular bacterium. The only cure is rest, a proper diet and avoidance of any stressful situations. Of course, I plan to leave you with various potions to ease some to the symptoms, which will get progressively worse."

**xxxx**

Molly pushed against the door of the bedroom with her back, holding onto the bottles the healer had left her.

"Oh, you poor boy," whispered Molly as she put down the potions. Snape's skin seemed as pale as the white sheets surrounding him. His body shivered under the covers even though sweat trailed down his face. She placed her hand on his forehead. He was too hot.

A tear ran down her face. How could she have been so blind? She had mistrusted him and had openly shown it. She never knew what he went through to keep them informed. He risked so much to keep them safe and she couldn't even show him a little respect or gratitude. "All that's going to change," she promised.

Molly pushed away a damp strand of hair out of his face. He was muttering something. She couldn't quite make it out but it was obviously agitating him. More tears escaped her eyes, watching helplessly, wishing she could protect him from whatever haunted him…

_1965_

"Can I lick the spoon?" asked five-year-old Severus Snape as he watched his mother stir the cake batter.

"I don't know. What's the secret handshake?" asked his mother, Maureen, mischievously.

Severus grinned and stuck out his hand. Maureen took his hand and they proceeded through their elaborate handshake. It had been something Maureen had invented to distract him when he was upset one time and ever since then they always played the 'handshake game'.

"Just about done—a stir here and a whip there and voilà, perfect cake batter for my perfect little boy," said his mother, theatrically before giving him the spoon.

His mother sat down at the kitchen table and pulled him into her lap. She stroked his hair, her eyes darkening, lost in thought.

"Mummy, is something wrong?"

"No, not at all, darling," she replied hurriedly. "You know what? I have something for you."

"What?"

Maureen flicked her wand and soon an envelope flew towards them. She gave it to the little boy. "Open it."

Severus eagerly pulled out its contents—a glossy, moving photo of his mother and him in Diagon Alley.

In the photo, he was holding his mother's hand, swinging it back and forth, as he licked an ice cream cone with the other hand.

"Can I keep it?"

"Of course."

His face lit up and he hugged his mother. "I'm going to put it away somewhere safe right now."

Maureen laughed. "You go do that."

Severus went up to his small room and carefully lifted one of the panels. He placed the photo underneath and slid the panel back into place.

Downstairs he could hear the front door open. He slowly made his way back to the kitchen. He hid beside the kitchen doorway, against the wall in the adjacent living room.

"You're home early, honey," greeted Maureen with an uneasy voice.

"What? You hoped I would be home later so you could entertain unwanted guests," growled his father.

"Oh Sirrion, you know me better than that," said Maureen, coming up to him and giving him a quick kiss.

"I don't want your tainted kiss, you whore," yelled Sirrion, shoving her away. "You think I don't know what's going on with that filthy mudblood?"

Severus heard something crash to the floor and his mother's scream. Tears soaked his face as the fight continued. He tried to jam his small hands into his ears but nothing could stop the noises from reaching him. His mother screamed again. He had to do something.

He stepped into the kitchen and his eyes widened. Broken glass and ceramic littered the floor. The cake batter trailed down the kitchen counter. His mother's wand lay abandoned, snapped in two.

He could see his father towering over his mother, yelling and raising his hand to slap her.

He didn't know what to do. He cried in the corner, wishing his father would stop hurting her but he didn't. Why was he so weak? No, I'm not weak, he thought, building courage.

"STOP IT!" he screamed.

His father stopped and looked at him. "Go to your room! This does not concern you."

He pointed his wand at Maureen. "Crucio."

His mother's agonizing scream ripped through the room, muffling Severus's cries. His father lifted the curse and Severus ran to his mother. "Don't be hurt mummy," he begged.

"Move out of the way boy," ordered Sirrion as he grabbed him by the robes and pulled him aside. He raised his wand again. Severus couldn't bear to see his mother is any more pain and so as his father muttered the curse again the boy flung his arms around Maureen's neck.

"No, no, Severus!" muttered his mother, trying to push him away.

The curse hit him in the back and he screamed until his body went limp in his mother's arms.

When he woke up, he was no longer in his mother's lap but lying on the kitchen floor. He could hear crashes and screams coming from his parents' bedroom.

He ran to the room, ignoring his aching body and tried to open the door. It was locked. He banged on it and yelled through the door but his sounds were drowned out.

He sank down against the door, crying.

He didn't know how long he sat there but eventually everything went silent and soon the door opened. Maureen looked down at her little boy sitting in the doorway, her face stained with tears and bruises. She scooped Severus up into her arms and took him to his room.

"Are you still hurting, mummy?" asked Severus as she tucked him into his bed.

"You don't worry about that, darling."

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. You're the bravest boy in the world. I only wish I could be as brave as you." Her voice was hoarse and she didn't seem to realize what she was saying. "You're a survivor, you are, my boy. I only wish I were one too. I know you'll survive. You just have to wait until Hogwarts. You can survive 'til than, I know you can."

Severus listened to his mother but didn't really understand what she was saying. He was just glad that she was all right.

"Hogwarts is a lovely place. Everyone is so friendly. You're a survivor that you are," she continued, nonsensically.

"I love you, mummy," he said as he drifted asleep.

She kissed him on the forehead. "I love you too."

Severus was jerked out of his slumber to someone yelling. He winced. He had thought it was all over.

"HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU?" yelled his father.

Severus got out of bed and walked towards the voice, his heart beating. His father was in the bathroom. The light was on and the door was ajar.

He opened the door, cautiously, but nothing could have prepared him for what he encountered. His father was on the floor at one end of the bathroom, his head in his hands, sobbing and his mother…

His mother sat in the bathtub in a blood-soaked nightgown. He had never seen so much blood before—hadn't even known one person could contain so much, all seeping out from ugly gashes in her wrists.

"MUMMY!" yelled Severus as he ran towards his mother. "Mummy, get up!" He shook her shoulders but she didn't move.

He grabbed her hand. He cringed as the blood soaked his tiny palm but tried to do their secret handshake anyway. "Mummy, it's our handshake. Mummy please, I'll be better, I promise. Don't leave me," he cried. "You said you loved me." He rocked back and forth on the floor beside the tub. "Why would you leave me?"

**xxxxxxxx**

I'm not particularly satisfied with this chapter but I don't know how to improve it. I know that the issue of domestic violence and child abuse must be clichéd when it comes to Snape, but given the little that we've seen of Snape's past, it's just seems to be highly possible. I have been corresponding with a HP fan who happens to be a child psychologist, so I hope to give justice to these issues in terms of how it affects people.

The next chapter will include more Order members/Snape and Sera/Snape interaction. I hope that I have been able to hold your interest thus far.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated—it's both helpful and motivating!

**Review Replies**

**Lilith11: **Yeah, that wasn't a nice cliffhanger, lol, but now, after two cliffhangers I thought I would should stay away from them for a bit ;). I updated so much faster than usual :D. Thanks for the review! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Asha Ice: **I know what you mean. The book mentions that he never stooped to the DE's level and yet we see him transform and bounce a student as a punishment. That's very fishy! Thanks so much, Weasleygirl-ca.

**Phinea Rogue:** Thank you so much…I wish I could add some sarcasm in this chapter but with Snape's not really with us in the chapter all I had was Molly…I'm guessing she's not the sarcastic type but I love her (except sometimes when she gets too worked up).

Bellatrix is evil, isn't she…whom better than her for Voldemort to leave Snape with. I'm glad the torture scene was believable even though I wrote it pretty implicitly.

Yeah, Moody is pretty bad in my story, though he'll come around _eventually _and only after explicit evidence that he's working for the light. Thanks for your lovely review, Weasleygirl-ca.

**Xiao Gui:** Yup, cruel cliffie…when they come up, I just can't resist using them but I've mellowed for now. Like you said, if people are interested, they'll come back anyway…hopefully.

Moody is so stubborn, no, more like arrogant in this chapter and for many more to come. Your compliments made my day! Thank you so much! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Oya:** I hope you liked Molly's lecture…and I didn't even have Moody hurt him :D. I really like your idea about Moody getting in trouble for not listening to Snape. My plan was to have Sera withhold the info (which she did—more on that in the next chapter) but what Moody did was also very wrong, I see Dumbledore's anger already. Thanks for the great feedback! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Hulahula:** Ooo! What a long review! I updated so much faster this time :D. 'Bopping Moody with his peg-leg'—hehe, that's a very funny picture.

Yup, the Order is going to see what he really goes through. It's just wrong how they make assumptions without really knowing anything about his situation. Molly already sees her mistake…though some may not be as accepting.

I hope this flashback was effective in introducing his childhood. I found it very sad to write.

Bellatrix is one crazy villain…JK really does have a vivid imagination…I couldn't have come up with such a sadistic character. Well, I guess that's why fanfiction is the only thing I'll ever write.

Sera is really angry about Dumbledore's trick. As you will see in future flashbacks, her relationship with Snape is very important to both of them.

I really appreciate your comment on the balance in the torture scene. I'm more comfortable with writing violence on a more implicit level. My Snape seems to pass out quite a bit but as you said, one can only take so much without fainting. He's only human after all, very stubborn but still human.

To answer your question about Voldemort suspecting Snape if the attacks are botched: Snape pretended to be unconscious when he overheard the info so the DEs don't know that he knows and therefore they can't blame him.

I love replying to my reviews. You're so great to take the time and give some feedback and it's nice to have a kind of conversation with everyone. Thank you so much for your amazing feedback, Weasleygirl-ca.

**risi:** Moody did screw things up but you're right, he'll probably still blame Snape if something goes wrong. Sera definitely had the presence of mind to contact Dumbledore but she had ulterior motives…I feel so bad to put such a black marker on my character but she can't be perfect.

The house elf took Snape to Grimmauld under Dumbledore's order—Dumbledore's reasoning is that Snape will not take care of himself properly so he'll force him to go somewhere where others will call a healer. But of course, Moody wasn't following orders. Thanks for your wonderful review, Weasleygirl-ca.

**Morena Evensong:** I have a soft spot for Dumbledore, though I do see that he does screw up a lot.

Again, you've got my story understood to a T—Sera is very pissed and she's going to stay pissed for a while for exactly the reasons you listed—the Order, her brother being out of her reach and unable to make sure he gets the proper medical attention.

Not to be repetitive but you've figured out the next chapter—amazing—Moody isn't the one to help him and Molly does intervene (thankfully). The next chapter will show more of the other order members and their reactions to what their spy really does go through.

I'm also excited to write in his niece, during the welcome feast, though she's not a main character. I haven't decided what house to put her in yet. Definitely not Gryffindor—I was thinking Ravenclaw like her mother. Slytherin sounds really good too, though. Only problem is I see Luke (Sera's ex-husband) as a halfblood. Can't decide.

Hehe, is the biggest tool for procrastinating, I agree! I really appreciate your feedback—I love reading your reviews and being amazed at how right you always are! Thanks so much, Weasleygirl-ca.

**Tigerfanfrv:** Yeah, the cliffhanger wasn't that nice but I updated soon :D. I'm glad you like Sera…it's nice to know that an OC is good. Thanks for the review! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Purple Raveness:** Thanks! Weasleygirl-ca.

**Jenrya Lee: **:D I glad you think Sera is realistic, especially considering that you usually hate them so much. Thanks so much, Weasleygirl-ca.

**Saphirefox-irl:** Thanks! Weasleygirl-ca

**Me:** I know, poor Snape! BTW, what language is 'poresito'? Thanks for the review, Wealeygirl-ca.


	7. Conversations with a Weasley

Disclaimer: Same as the site's disclaimer

I'm sincerely sorry for the massive delay. I hope you're still interested. To all who reviewed: I'm ecstatic with appreciation! As always, replies at the end.

Quick A/N: Due to a high fever, our favourite Potion's master is suffering from delirium in this chapter, so I'm forewarning you of slight deviations in his character.

**Chapter 7: Conversations with a Weasley**

_Present_

Molly quickly pulled her hand away from Snape's burning arm, her body trembling. What had she just seen? Closing her eyes, she ran her fingers through her hair. So much blood—she had never seen so much.

She cautiously opened her eyes and looked down at the Potion's master. A tear ran down his face and his hands gripped the sheets tightly. Barely audible words escaped his lips but Molly knew exactly what he was saying. She had seen the little five-year-old pleading with his mother's lifeless body. "You said you loved me. Why would you leave me?"

Dropping her head into her hands, she silently begged her body to stop shaking.

She knew there was an easy explanation to why she had been privy to the memory he was reliving. He was a powerful wizard and a practiced Occlumens, constantly hiding his memories from others. Thus, in his weaken and feverish state, those memories broke free. The images running through his mind became hers the instant she elicited physical contact with him. Unlike Legilimency, she had no control of what she saw; she only saw what he saw.

The moment his memory invaded her mind, she was transfixed. She couldn't let go of his arm. A part of her wished she had not seen the horrific memory. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep for days. How could such a small child suffer through all that in such a short time? She thought of her own children. Tears stained her cheeks. What would she have done in his mother's position? No, she refused to think about it.

She dipped a cloth in a basin filled with cold water and brought it to Snape's forehead. She hesitated, not wanting to be pulled into his nightmares again. "Come on Molly, collect yourself." She knew that this type of uncontrolled magic was unpredictable. For all she knew, the next time she touched him nothing would happen.

Molly sighed in relief as her mind stayed clear after placing her hand on his arm. She couldn't help seeing the small boy when she looked at Snape. Her motherly instincts wanted to collect the man into her arms, as if he were still a child and comfort him. Who held him when he was scared growing up? Not his father, she thought angrily.

She squeezed the cloth viciously over the basin, barely hearing the sounds coming from the living room.

**xxxx**

Sera quickly grabbed the edge of the table to prevent from falling over. She hated traveling by portkey—it just wasn't meant for clumsy people.

She looked pensively around the dark room. She could feel magic trapped inside the walls—dark magic. She unconsciously wrapped her arms around herself. Why would Dumbledore bring her brother to such a dark place?

"_This_ is where you've brought Severus?"

Dumbledore nodded. "He's safe here."

"But where is he?"

"He'll be in—." Someone rushed out of a room down the hallway, interrupting him.

"Albus!" Molly's voice barely disguised her distress. "A house elf brought Severus here."

"Where is he?" Sera cried, impatiently.

Molly paused, looking at the young woman suspiciously. "Who in Merlin's name are you?"

"Molly, this is Severus's sister, Seralina. She'd like to see him."

Molly raised an eyebrow, surprised. Unwillingly, images of a lifeless woman, drenched in blood entered her mind. How was this possible? "Er, right this way."

Sera felt her heart clench as she set eyes on her unconscious, feverish brother. "Oh Severus," she exclaimed as she ran to his side. She grabbed his hand and winced. He was so hot and his breathing so ragged.

Dumbledore frowned. "What did the healer say?"

Snape's body convulsed in a series of wracking coughs.

"He has pneumonia."

"But that can be easily treated," said Sera, hopefully.

"Unfortunately, not this particular type," explained Molly, regretfully.

Dumbledore sighed. "Sera, you have to tell me what Severus told you."

"This is all your fault!"

"Sera, please."

"He said…he said that…You Know Who is planning attacks on Diagon Alley and Hogsmead—."

Molly clasped her hand to her mouth in shock.

"Don't leave me," rasped Snape.

Dumbledore's eyes darkened.

"And an Azkaban breakout," she added, grabbing the towel from the basin at the bedside and running it across Snape's forehead. "Shh, it's ok Severus."

"Molly, I trust you to take care of Severus…and Sera," started Dumbledore.

Sera shot him a nasty glare.

"Yes, of course," Molly replied faintly.

"I must contact the others."

**xxxx**

"Let me take him home, to my place," pleaded Sera, who had taken Molly's seat beside Snape.

Molly snapped out of her thoughts—thoughts of her husband, sons and friends walking into a planned Death Eater raid. She shivered. "I cannot do that."

"Who are you, anyway? What right do you have?" she snapped angrily.

"I'm Molly Weasley."

A Weasley, she thought. She'd heard of them—a prominent pureblood family, poor but prominent—

blood traitors according to most of Severus's _former_ associates. She shut her eyes. Why was she fooling herself? He probably never cut ties with them in the first place, to ensure his return to the inner circle in case the situation called for it.

"Sera?" came a weak voice.

"Severus, I'm here," she assured, taking a hold of his clammy hand.

"Sera, do you remember what I taught you?"

Molly looked over at Sera, perplexed. Sera's confusion showed clearly on her face.

"Do you remember," he asked more desperately, before reeling in a fit of coughs.

Sera lifted his head and brought a glass of water to his lips. "Severus, what do you mean?"

Snape gulped down the water slowly. "Remember what I taught you to write? 'Come home right away.' Can you spell that, Sera?"

Realization dawned on her. She closed her eyes, trying to prevent the tears from breaking away. "He's delirious," she explained.

Molly nodded slowly. "I've tried everything to bring the fever down. Nothing's working."

"Remember how to spell it. Don't forget, Sera. It's important."

"I never forgot," she said, dabbing the damp cloth on his neck.

"Good," replied Snape, his tense muscles relaxing.

"I never had to use it, though. You came home anyway," she whispered, sniffling softly.

Snape squeezed her hand weakly. "I'd never let anyone hurt you."

"I know," she agreed softly, no longer able to control her emotions.

Molly stood at the door, riveted. What was transpiring in front of her was obviously part of a memory. Snape was confusing the past with the present. Her hands began to shake again. What other painful memories could this man have?

"Please let me take him home. At least he'll be surrounded by people who care about him," begged Sera, again.

"I care," Molly said, jerkily.

Sera narrowed her eyes. "Of course," she muttered, sarcastically under her breath.

Molly raised an eyebrow. She could certainly see the family resemblance.

"I have to make some arrangements. My children are at a friend's place. May I use the fireplace?"

"I'll come with you."

Sera grumbled and patted Snape's hand lightly. "I'll be back."

Snape did not respond, unaware of his surroundings. He held a distant expression, his ragged breathing and incessant coughing echoing through the otherwise silent room.

**xxxx**

Molly stood uncomfortably near the stairwell in the living room as Sera talked to her ex-husband through the fireplace. Instinctively, she felt she could trust the girl but she knew what Dumbledore meant by, 'Take care of Sera.' Her privacy had to be forsaken in favor of the Order's protection.

"Luke, just for tonight—I'm not asking for much."

"Why can't you bring the children to Severus's place or take him to yours. I wanted some time to myself."

Sera snorted, unwomanly and rolled her eyes—more like time with some woman. "I can't and besides do you want the girls to get sick?"

"Where are you?" he asked suspiciously.

"None of your business."

"How do I know that he's actually ill? Maybe you just want to hit the pub for a drink _or twenty_," he shot nastily.

"How dare you," she snapped, clenching her fists tightly, preventing herself from slapping him through the fire. "That was vile."

Luke sighed. "I'm sorry. Sure, I'll take the kids."

"Thanks," she spat angrily, cutting the floo connection and storming away.

"Certainly has a temper," muttered Molly, following her back to the room.

**xxxx**

Snape lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"The other day, this numskull in my class melted his hundredth cauldron. I've kept count. Can you imagine? A hundred cauldrons!"

"You kept count?" asked Sera, stifling a chuckle. She knew he was still delirious but she decided to humour him.

"Albus is always berating for my treatment of Longbottom and Potter and actually, the Gryffindors in general."

"That's nothing new. You've giving them _special _treatment since your first year as a professor.

"Ah, but now I have proof of their idiocy. They're imbeciles, all of them—Longbottom, Potter, Weasley, even Grange—." He stopped abruptly, interrupted by a fit of coughs.

Sera quickly glanced over at Molly and unsurprisingly, Molly's expression was less than pleasant.

"Er…"

"And now Albus wants me to admit them all into my NEWTS potions class. It's ludicrous—'Melt your hundredth cauldron and you'll be accepted into an advanced potions class.'"

"I'm going to fix him something to eat," Molly said, curtly, leaving the room without another word.

Suddenly Snape started heaving. He bent over in pain, the hacking cough returning with full force.

"Oh Merlin!" exclaimed Sera, her eyes scanning over the various potions aligned along the bedside table.

His cough seemed to subside slightly, replaced with uncomfortably rapid, shallow breathing. She lifted his head and brought a vial to his lips. "Drink this."

Snape accepted the cool liquid without question and soon his breathing seemed less painful and his eyelids grew heavy.

"Get some rest, Severus," she whispered, worry sketched across her face.

She kissed him lightly on the forehead before leaving the room. She didn't know why, but she felt like she had to defend her brother's behaviour to Molly. After all, Molly seemed to care genuinely about Severus.

Sera found the kitchen easily by following the sound of water running over clanking pans. Molly was by the sink, scrubbing the pan viciously. Sera stood in the entrance contemplating whether to interrupt the older woman or not.

Deciding against it, she turned around. It's not a big deal anyway, thought Sera, why should I care what she thinks?

The sound of scrubbing stopped. "Sera, did you want something?" asked Molly.

Sera twirled back, startled. "Uh, I would like a glass of water."

Molly nodded, taking a glass out from a cupboard.

"The fever is making him delirious, you know. Honestly, he would never keep count of something as absurd as how many cauldrons a student melted. He has more important matters on is mind than that," offered Sera as Molly handed her the glass.

Molly sighed. "I know that but it doesn't change the fact that he has spent the last fourteen years terrorizing my children and their friends."

Sera sat down at the kitchen table and stared into the water. "It's not that simple," she muttered.

Molly scooted into a chair opposite to the pale-faced woman. "I know."

Tension hung in the air as the two women sat silently.

"I never understood Severus," began Molly, breaking the silence.

"Few do."

"I took him at face value—a vindictive, bitter man who frightened children. I never questioned his motives for joining You Know Who or his reason for switching sides unless it was in light of potential treason."

"Have you people have been accusing him of treachery?" Her tone was low and dangerous, her eyes glittering angrily. "After all this?"

"It was wrong of us. I'm not saying that there is no merit to the concern, it's only natural for us to be wary of..." Molly's voice trailed off.

Sera knew what would fit perfectly into the redheaded women's unfinished sentence—an outsider. She wasn't sure she would be able to control her anger; it didn't take much for Sera to guess what these people thought of him.

"A former Death Eater," mumbled Molly.

"Former is the key word here," she shot, hotly. "What about the merit of having the courage to turn his back on the most ruthless wizard of our time? That holds no value?"

"Some are unconvinced that he has truly turned his back on Him."

"You can't be serious. Can you not see how much pain he's in? Do you honestly think he does it for fun?" She couldn't understand why Severus continued to act as these ungrateful people's double agent.

"It can be argued that He Who Must Not Be Named treats all his followers mercilessly."

"I'm not going to sit here and listen to this shite!" she snapped, pushing her chair back.

"But I'm starting to see past his vindictiveness," hurried Molly.

Sera looked at her skeptically.

"I was wrong to judge him based solely on his behaviour. It's obviously a façade. Maybe it's his way of protecting himself"

Sera didn't say anything. Her relationship with Severus had always been an exception to the way he interacted with people. Sera was convinced that his attitude towards others was indeed an act to protect himself when he was younger. But he had spent so much time and energy being contemptuous that it was now part of him.

"Though I wish he would treat Harry and Neville better. They've lost their parents at such a young age and Harry's relatives are rather awful. I know you and your brother lost your mother at a young age—he should underst—." Molly stopped abruptly, knowing she had said too much.

Sera could see pain etched across Molly's face. "Excuse me?" What did this woman know about their family?

"I'm sorry."

"Where did you learn this?" she asked, suspiciously.

"I…I…"

"Severus and I have the same father but different mothers. Who told you that welost _our_ mother?"

Molly raised an eyebrow. "I misinterpreted…"

"Misinterpreted what?"

"It happened before you came." Molly hesitated. "Severus was fitfully sleeping…I touched his arm and suddenly these images invaded my mind…"

Sera's eyes widened. Severus would despise this invasion of privacy. "What did you see?"

Molly dropped her head, tears threatening to break free again. "A little boy and his mother, happily enjoying each other's company until his father…" The words were stuck in her throat. "And then…she was…dead…she…she killed herself."

Sera looked away. Her bottom lip trembled and she placed her hand over her mouth to hide her emotions. Her mother had told her about Maureen's suicide. She had been very young but she understood the direness. Her mother had gloated over the death of Severus's mother. It made her sick.

"Harry and Severus have both lost their mothers and left in the hands of unloving relatives. If only he could see that."

Sera shook her head but continued to look away. "It's not the same."

"But—."

"No, you can't compare the two situations. The Potters died _protecting _their son, Severus's mother _abandoned_ him—left him _unprotected_. She claimed to love him but then knowingly left him to the likes of…of our father.

Sera brushed her tears away and looked at Molly.

"Can you imagine what that must be like? What damage it would cause a five-year-old child? He can't mourn her like Harry Potter can. She _chose_ to leave him in an unloving world."

"You're right," agreed Molly, dejectedly.

"I'm not saying that one situation is better than the other, I'm just saying that they're not comparable."

"From now on, things will be different."

Sera snorted. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Molly put a comforting hand over Sera's hand but Sera drew away. She pushed her chair back and walked to the doorway facing the living room, her arms crossed.

"I wish people would stop judging him. They don't know him. They don't know what he's capable of," she whispered. Severus could have left her if he wanted, like his mother left him. Yet, he didn't. He always took care of her, always protected her.

Sera leaned against the doorway while Molly sat at the kitchen table, both lost in thought. Suddenly, a young, fuchsia-haired woman tumbled out of the fireplace, crashing into a chair, followed closely by a slew of other people.

"Oh no," muttered the woman, looking at a draped portrait.

"BLOOD TRAITORS! FILTHY HALFBLOODS!"

"Damn portrait," cursed a man, rushing over to portrait to draw back the curtain that had flown open.

A small stampede of teenagers sprinted down from the second floor in midst of the commotion.

"They're back," exclaimed Molly, jumping up and running over, her eyes scanning for her husband and sons, anxiously.

Sera stayed where she was, glaring into the scene transpiring before her.

**xxxxxxxx**

Any feedback would be truly appreciated.

Again I'm truly sorry about the delay…with writer's block and midterms galore, it was inevitable. I hope to the next chapter up much sooner! Hope you'll stick around for it.

Due to my writer's block, this chapter didn't turn out as well as I would have liked. As this is my first Snape-centric fic, I'm slightly unaware of what is liked or not. Please tell me what you think, even if you didn't like it. I know it was a lot of conversation. Tell me what you think and how I can improve.

**Note** (about Sera) I know this chapter had a great deal of Sera and I know that OCs are not always liked. I assure you that Snape is the most important character and Sera is just a very important part of his life (even the scene with her ex-husband relates back to Snape).

Their relationship is always much closer than sister/brother relationships I read about (without bordering on incest, which this definitely is not!) but I have my reasons behind that. Their relationship is an exception to his interaction with others for a reason.

Most people seem to like her but if you're becoming weary of her character, I will reduce her role. Just let me know.

**Review Replies**

**Silverthreads:** I'm glad that it didn't appear overdone! I was worried about that. It's unfortunate that children usually blame themselves for their parents actions and I can't agree more…there isn't a punishment greater than his mother willingly leaving him. I found the chapter very hard to write because of the emotion involved. Thanks so much for your wonderful review! Weasleygirl-ca

**bird: **That's the beauty about fanfiction, isn't it? We can explore characters more in-depth than JKR does. Flow is such an important thing that is so hard to keep when I write. It's nice to know that it's working. Thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca

**XiaoGui: **I'm blushing! I'm so glad to hear that my flow and characterization are doing well. It's a chapter by chapter process, isn't it? Every chapter I have to make sure everything is right and I'm sure I slip all the time but hopefully get back on track. I have painted Moody as a real arse…I'll have to remedy that eventually. The flashback was very hard for me to write. The handshake game is actually something I saw in a Disney movie—Parent Trap. You might have guessed that I'm a movie goer, hehe. I really liked the idea and it helped to show his relationship with his mother. I hope you like the little Sera/Snape interaction. I promise, the next chapter will have more not-delirious!Snape. Thanks for your always wonderful reviews! Weasleygirl-ca

**DarkDancer**: I've been evil in making Moody so horrid…maybe he'll come around. Thanks for the review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Marauder3Moony:** I wasn't much of a fan of the Order when reading the book—they should have told Harry the things he needs to know. And I can't see them taking warmly to Snape right away. Severus will get better, eventually ;). Thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca

**Oya: **That's exactly what I was trying to get across…to her, her pain is greater than her love and that can only cut deep for a small child. Moody is definitely going to hear form Dumbledore and Sera…she can be scary just like her brother :). Thanks for the great reviews! Weasleygirl-ca

**cupotrevor: **Ooo! Thanks! I'm so glad you like it. "Very moving", thank you so much! Weasleygirl-ca

**risi:** Ouch! That would really hurt! Both Dumbledore and Sera will get to 'chat' with Moody :D. Thanks so much for always reviewing! Weasleygirl-ca

**Morena Evensong:** I love your short reviews, they're just so lovely and long :D! Oh, the child psychologist thing—I'm a psych major and I want to be a child psychologist of psychiatrist so chatting with him is just great! I'm glad you like my depiction of Molly—I think Molly and Sera will get along in the long run. I'm also happy you like Sera. Is it ok that this chap had a lot of her? I liked the blackmailing too—if you're related to a Slytherin, you have to have some of those qualities (look at Sirius). Yeah, I think being in Ravenclaw is best for Sera's daughter…things could get awfully complicated if she were in Slytherin or worse, Gryffindor. Sorry to make you procrastinate (isn't it so much fun, I do it too often, lol). Thanks so much for the wonderful review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Jenray Lee: **Hehe, I like the wooden stick image. I hope I can continue to capture character personalities. Thanks so much for the review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Asha Ice:** I'm so embarrassed, you're right…it was Crouch not Moody…I always forget that even though I know GoF well. Anyway, hopefully my Moody will come around. Oh and 'ca' stands for Canada (.ca comes at the end of Canadian urls), where I'm from. Thanks so much for the review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Me:** I know, very depressing—it was hard for me to write. I would love to slap a few characters now and then…oh, if only I could. Thanks so much for the review! Weasleygirl-ca

**Phinea Rogue:** Yeah, I'm a psych major and I want to be a child psychologist or psychiatrist so I find it very interesting to talk to him. I've got a very bad picture of his father in my head…don't like him. You'll see more of him but again I don't like him. He's nothing like your Snape Sr. Now there's an amazing complex character, I love him! I loved the blackmailing Sera thing…after all she's a Snape, like you said. Yeah, I'm trying very hard not to let her fall into Mary Sue-ness, because I like how her character came out. Molly is a great character…I know she can be overbearing but she's a compassionate person. Writers are so evil to Severus, I guess I'm no exception, lol. Thanks for your always amazing reviews! Weasleygirl-ca

**saphirefox: **Thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca

**hulahula:** Sigh, I love your reviews! Cliché, I know…I hope I can still make it good, though kind of cliché. Yup, the little Snape crying in the corner is definitely a déjà vu. Oh, I love that you mentioned the kids/Molly interaction…I liked that part a lot…very Molly. I think some DEs are very smart (after all, Snape was on of them), but most are stupid…following some 'Dark Lord' around like his puppy, yuck. Don't worry about the criticism—I'm glad you mentioned it. It's important for improvement—I tried to fix the Molly thing in this chapter, which was hard because she did see Snape's memory but thank you very much! Hmm, I've never heard of Brokaw the reporter. Here in Canada, we have Paul Mansbridge…I guess all countries have those exceptional media guys. It's really important, isn't it? I'm glad that it sends a 'we can trust' message though, he's a good healer. Thanks for you always stunning and constructive reviews! Weasleygirl-ca

**Rachel: **Thanks so much! I hope you like the rest. Weasleygirl-ca

**Carpathia:** Oh, thank you so much for you're compliment! I'm glad you like. Severus needs some love, doesn't he? I guess he makes it hard for himself but still. Thanks so very much! Weasleygirl-ca

**Purple Raveness:** It was very hard to write. Thanks! Weasleygirl-ca

**Lilith11:** This chapter was indeed very difficult to write. Molly's a great character, even if she's overbearing. Thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca

**Knitekatz:** Yup, Moody is in for a few words from a couple of people. The next chapter has more on the rest of the Order. I'm glad you liked the part with the kids—it was fun to write. Molly sure is the Mother Hen—great descriptor. Hope you like the rest. Thanks so much! Weasleygirl-ca

**blind4seer:** Thanks! Weasleygirl-ca


	8. The Root of Hatred

I'm so sorry about the lengthy absence. Exams, end of school, moving, beginning of a very hectic summer and horrible internet access has prevented me from updating. But here is the next chapter :D. I thank all my wonderful reviewers and I have replied to them via an external page (the link, 'Homepage' in my profile goes to the page)

_We are not born hating—we learn to hate… _

**Chapter 8: The Root of Hatred**

"I'm alright, mum," assured Bill, trying to brush Molly's hand away from his bleeding forehead. "It's just a little cut."

"Was anyone hurt?" inquired Molly.

The four teenagers crowded around the bottom of the stairs, anxiously. "What's going on?" demanded Harry.

"We lost five people," answered Kingsley, clearly frustrated. "A few other civilians and Mundungus are being treated for curses at St. Mungo's."

"And we were unable to prevent the breakout," growled Moody.

Sera looked at her feet, guiltily.

"It could have been worse. If we hadn't have known ahead of time, the death toll would have been unimaginable," said Remus, returning from the successfully silenced Mrs. Black portrait.

"What the hell happened?" repeated Harry, angrily.

"Harry!" whispered Hermione.

"I refuse to be left in the dark any longer. If my fate is so tied with Voldemort, I have the right to know."

This must be the ever-famous Harry Potter, thought Sera, unable to miss his uncanny resemblance to James Potter. She glanced at everyone else in the room. All the adults had uneasy expressions playing across their faces.

"Harry, this really isn't the time," said Molly, softly.

No one had noticed Sera yet and Sera had a feeling that Molly, understandably, was trying to prevent Harry from saying too much in front of her.

"Just tell me what happened. What attack? What breakout?"

"Voldemort organized diversion attacks in order to execute a breakout of Azkaban prisone—." Remus abruptly cut off his explanation as his eyes caught sight of Sera. "Who are you?"

"Uh…," started Sera, uncomfortably.

"Merlin, I didn't even notice her there," exclaimed Tonks.

"Damnation!" roared Moody, pulling out his wand and pointing it at Sera.

"Alastor, put that away," ordered Molly. "This is Seralina…"

"Richardson," whispered Sera, inwardly cursing herself for her timidness in face of the unwanted attention.

"She's the one who informed Dumbledore of the attacks," finished Molly.

"How did she know about them," said Tonks.

"Sera?" said Molly, inviting her to explain.

"I—."

"You're Severus's little sister, aren't you?" cut in Remus, suddenly recognizing the name. "You were a first year when we were in our last year."

Sera nodded, looking oddly at the man, trying to place him. "One of Potter's friend," she finally said, bitterly. "Lupin."

"Remus Lupin," he replied, flinching at her tone of voice.

"I didn't even know Snape had a sister," exclaimed Tonks, peering at Sera, curiously.

"Don't tell me you're an allegedly reformed Death Eater, too," barked Moody, eyeing her suspiciously.

Sera gritted her teeth. She recognized the man—Alastor Moody, the legendary Auror.

"That's enough, Alastor," came a commanding voice from behind the crowd. Dumbledore stepped out of the fireplace, brushing the soot off his deep purple robes. "Severus was able to give Sera the warning before his injuries overcame him."

Harry watched Sera with contempt. "So Malfoy and the others escaped Azkaban?"

Dumbledore nodded.

Hermione placed a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder, trying to ease his anger. He roughly dislodged himself from her grip. "This is pathetic. Can't you people do anything right!"

"Harry!" chided Molly.

"Sirius died because of what happened and now it was all for nothing! They just go free!"

Sera was rather startled by the outburst. "Black?" she asked, jerkily. What did that mass murderer have to do with anything?

"Harry, this really isn't the place or time for such a discussion," said Remus, cautiously.

Sera appealed to Dumbledore, desperate to leave the tense room and relieve them of her unwanted presence. "I'll be with Severus," informed Sera, leaving the room.

**xxxx**

Snape stirred within the blankets. He groaned as his hand landed on his wounded chest. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes, only to be assaulted by a bright light.

He grabbed his wand, which was resting on a side table and extinguished the light. The room remained dimly illuminated by the sunrays of the rising sun shining through the window.

Allowing time to adjust to the light, Snape's eyes roamed the room. He tried to sit up but found that he couldn't. Suddenly, a fit of coughs overcame him and he collapsed back into the bed exhausted. He was shivering uncontrollably yet felt so hot. What was wrong with him? Where was he?

The last thing he could remember was…was his mother's dead body, surrounded by her own blood. No, that was an old memory haunting his dreams. He tried to bury it.

He didn't want to think about _her_. Sometimes he hated her, hated her for leaving him; sometimes he yearned for her warm arms, like phantom warmth, mocking him. He concentrated on the hate—it was less painful…

_---1965---_

The little boy stood near the casket as it was lowered into the ground. His face was expressionless; though no one was aware of this as his hair protectively covered his face. It was a rather pathetic affair. There was no grand stone to mark the grave, nor were there a crowd of people gathered in respect.

Beside the boy stood his father and on the other side of the casket stood a teary-eyed woman, who showed nothing but contempt towards the boy's father.

The man knelt down beside the casket, staring at it mournfully. The boy pursed his lips and turned away from the scene, disgusted. He kicked a stone violently, followed it and kicked it again.

"Severus."

Severus jerked around at the voice. The woman who was standing by the casket was now by his side.

"What do you want," he said coldly. The woman looked at him sadly for she had never heard such iciness from a five-year-old child before.

She sighed. "Sweetheart, I know I have been very meager part of your young life but you must know that I care for you…if it wasn't for that good for nothing father of yours…" She shook her head. "That's beside the point."

Severus curled his fist. Of course she didn't care, nobody cared. His own mother hadn't cared. After he had gotten over the initial shock of his mother's death and fully understood her actions, an all-consuming anger overcame him, overriding his grief—or maybe protecting him from his grief.

He had never felt so much anger before, not even towards his father. His mother had lied to him and betrayed him and he could expect no less from her sister.

Severus and his aunt stood silently beside each other as another man neared the casket. He had a large bouquet of flowers his hand and tears in his eyes. Severus wondered who this man could be.

"GET OUT!" bellowed his father.

"Let us have some respect for her and mourn her peacefully," the man replied calmly but with a hint of hatred.

"This is all your fault," shot his father, pulling out his wand and pointing it at the man.

"My fault! My fault! You bastard! You think I don't know what you did to her? I don't understand why she wouldn't leave you. In the end this was the only way she saw out."

"Funny, you calling me a bastard. Do you know she was with child? And it sure as hell wasn't mine. Must be that filthy muggle upbringing…for all the magic in the world you still went and got her pregnant."

The man stumbled back, shocked. Severus's aunt gasped.

"At least the child is dead with her…one less half-blood to taint our world," continued Severus's father.

Severus's aunt muffled a sob. She grabbed Severus's hand and ushered him away from the scene.

"Who is that man?"

"Of no importance to us, dear," she replied, her voice trembling.

He pulled his hand away from her and glanced back. Sparks were flying between the two men. His aunt moved to stand in his vision.

"He's _the _mudblood, isn't he?"

Her eyes widened. "Where did you learn such profanity?"

"Father said mummy was spending time with some mudblood and that's why they were fighting."

"You must never use that word, Severus. It isn't right."

"Why? Father uses it."

"And do you look to him to see from right and wrong?"

Severus was silent. He knew his father was not a very good person…he hurt his mother.

His aunt knelt down to him and pulled out a small piece of parchment. She slipped it into his inner robe pocket.

"Don't tell your father. If you ever need help, you'll know where to find me. I don't know what you are thinking right now…I know you must be angry but remember, I loved my sister and I love you. I will always be there for you."

Severus didn't know what to say. He didn't believe her. He had believed that his mother loved him and she hadn't. Why should he believe her? Yet, somewhere deep inside him, he wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe in love…as every child does.

She hugged him and though he did not hug back, he did not push her away. He welcomed the warmth, if only temporarily. It was a needed change to the anger and hate he carried with him ever since his mother's death.

He could feel the negative feelings resurfacing and he pushed her away. She released him and stood up. His father was coming towards them.

He grabbed Severus by the wrist. His father looked at Severus's aunt. "You stay away from my son," yelled his father as he dragged him away. They passed the man that his father called mudblood, crying at his knees, looking down at the dirt covering his mother's body. He looked up at them as they passed him. He looked into Severus's eyes with a mournful expression.

Severus scowled. He hated that man—hated him for causing his father's rage. He hated his father for hurting his mother. He hated his mother for choosing to leave him. And he hated himself for not being able to stop it, for not being a good enough son, one worthy of his mother's presence.

_---Present---_

"Severus?"

Snape closed his eyes and shook his head. He could feel the hate of the five-year-old boy surging through him. More often than not, hate was the strongest emotion in his life, be it hatred towards others or hatred towards himself. He knew that it wasn't natural.

Someone touched him on the shoulder lightly. "Severus?"

He wrenched his shoulder away instantly and hissed in pain as he jerked his wounded chest in the process.

He opened his eyes and saw his sister sitting by his bed.

"It's just me," she said, apologetically.

"Where am I?" he asked in a painfully hoarse voice. This was definitely not his flat or Sera's place and it couldn't be the headquarters—he _hoped_ it wasn't the headquarters. Sera couldn't be there anyway, he thought, reassuring himself.

"Not delirious, then," muttered Sera, quietly. "I'm not sure. This is where the house elf brought you."

Snape shut his eyes and shook his head. It was all coming back now—arriving with the house elf, passing out in front of Moody. How humiliating.

"You cannot be here."

"Dumbledore brought me."

The attacks, had she told him? "Is the Headmaster aware of the attacks?"

"Yes."

Snape relaxed ever so slightly. He wondered if the Order had successfully prevented the attacks and breakout. "What's wrong with me?"

"You have pneumonia. Not the common type—bed rest is the only cure."

He cursed under his breath. He wondered how could he remove himself from the godforsaken place. "Who else is here?"

"Ah, Severus, you're awake," came a new, all too familiar voice.

"Headmaster."

"How are you feeling?"

"Fantastic." What a daft question, he thought. He could barely get out of bed. "And what of my warning?"

"We were unable to prevent the breakout but we did avoid a major death toll in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade."

"Major death toll?"

"Five people were killed."

Snape looked away.

"It would have been much worse without your warning. However, Sera, you should not have tried to blackmail me. What if I could not bring you here?"

Snape knew that tone of voice all too well. Dumbledore was planning to give his sister a long-winded lecture.

"What exactly did Sera do?"

"Severus," whispered Sera. "I had too."

"She refused to convey your message unless I brought her here."

"Well, Headmaster, you are in no position to lecture her. She is not in yours or the Order's service."

"Severus," started Dumbledore.

"If anything, it's a certain ex-auror that should be chided. If he had not decided to seize the opportunity to discover any disloyalties, he may have had time to hear my warnings. After all, he _is_ in your service."

"What are you talking about, Severus?"

"Not that I care for his actions," he continued, ignoring the question. "But I will not have you lecture my sister."

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes. "I'll be back," he said, before leaving.

Snape groaned. He couldn't understand where that came from. He rarely talked back to Dumbledore but lately, that's all he seemed to be doing in his presence. He shook his head. All those unwanted memories within the last couple of days seemed to have unnerved him.

"Sera, you shouldn't have pulled such a trick."

"Oh, so this is how it is. Save me from the wrath of the Headmaster only to get the same from you."

"He has no right to lecture you. I do."

"Look, I can't say I'm proud of what I did but I was worried about you."

"And what about the people who lost their lives today?"

Sera lowered her eyes, ashamed. "I told him soon after we arrived here. There was only a few minutes delay. I don't think it would have made much of a difference."

"That's not the point, Sera. It's the principle of the matter."

Sera let out a bitter laugh. "That's rich, coming from you, oh mighty Slytherin."

"I wouldn't have expected the same from you."

"Well, you will be surprised to know that having a Slytherin in the family rubs off on the rest."

Snape smiled every so slightly and decided to drop the issue.

Sera knew the gesture well and took that opportunity to change the topic. "Take Liana. I wouldn't be surprised if she's sorted into Slytherin. The way she outwits Mia is startling."

Snape nodded and prevented a smile from taking over. Even with the horrendousness of his current situation he couldn't help but gladly agree with Sera. Mia was a sweet girl but it always amused him to see her younger sister get the better of her. And Slytherin needed all the people it could have that wouldn't be swayed to the Dark Arts and he would be damned if his niece was one of those who are as easily swayed as he once was.

**xxxxxxxx**

Well, that concludes another chapter. I know the timeline is moving slowly. I shall try to pick that up. And now with things in life sort of settled, I hope to update sooner and catch up on my reading and reviewing.

Tell me what you think of this chapter. I love feedback…who doesn't:D

**Review Replies:** It has come to my attention that review replies are no longer allowed at the end of chapters. So I have posted my replies to the latest reviews through an external page, which you can read by clicking on my name (to get to my profile) and then by clicking on 'homepage'. Until next time, Weasleygirl-ca.


End file.
